Conversations About Dead People
by smellslikecorruption
Summary: One-shots spanning the entire series and beyond. Conversations about Spike and Buffy. "He's lost to me now. Lost to us. Lost in her."
1. Chapter 1

**Because I am the worlds biggest moron I managed to accidentally delete this entire story, instead of uploading a new chapter. Of all the stories I could have deleted, of **_**course **_**I delete the only one with multiple chapters. As far as story content goes, it's not a **_**huge**_** deal since I have all of the chapters saved on my computer. But for me it is a huge deal, because it means I lost all 82 reviews that you lovely, lovely people left. And I'd already deleted everything from my e-mail, so that's pretty much it. All gone. I'll re-post all 17 chapters, but if there's any chance you guys wouldn't mind leaving some reviews for chapters you've already read? Pretty, Pretty please? It won't make less moronic, but it would make me feel better. Also, I sincerely apologize to everyone who's waiting for chapter 18. We will get there eventually. And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go bang my head against a wall…**

AN: This is the first chapter in a series of one shots. Each chapter will be a conversation about Buffy and Spike. They span from season two to post-series. This is kind of a new territory for me, since each chapter will be mostly dialogue, and I generally write on a more introspective level. I'm especially nervous about this first chapter, simply because I don't think I give good Dru or Angelus. But the idea of this conversation got in my head and wouldn't leave me alone so it wound up in the story.

AN2: Please forgive the extremely hokey title. It was just too obvious.

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**Sunnydale, 1998**

Their bodies twisted together, Angelus' teeth catching her bottom lip as he pulled away. She giggled.

"I'm just so pleased to have you back at last, my Angel. It's like we're a real family again."

She pulled back and began to spin, rolling her head to glance at the doorframe. Somewhere in the other room sat Spike, stuck in his chair. Drusilla's voice dropped to a whisper as she crept up to her sire.

"We must watch Willy though." She pushed Angelus down onto a chair and straddled him. "My sweet boy reeks of betrayal." She cocked her head and added with slight bemusement, "and electricity."

Angelus ran his hands up her thighs, bringing them to rest on her hips.

"What is there to worry about Dru? Spikes confined to that chair. Humans never recover from injuries like his. It will take _him_ months to recover, maybe years."

"And yet I've heard the whispers. They come to me as I sleep. He wants what's yours. The Slayer, all for himself. Someday, he'll try to fight you for her."

"Relax baby. I've already got her. And after I play with her for a little while, her blood will be mine. As for our boy? By the time he's well enough to fight anyone, for anything, the slayer he's been so intent on will be long gone."

A nearly feral grin stretched across Dru's face and she leaned towards her lover once more.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Set right after Becoming part two. Joyce and Giles discuss what might've happened to Buffy. A quick word about Joyce. In this chapter she mentions that the only reason Buffy left was because of Angel. I know that that wasn't the only reason she left, and I know that Joyce knew about the murder charges. However, I think that the Scoobies probably filled her in about all the specifics, so by this point she's thinking that the only real reason Buffy left was Angel. Okay, explanation over. Enjoy!

**Sunnydale, 1998**

Three days after Buffy disappeared Joyce was sitting in Rupert Giles' living room, holding a glass of red wine and listening to him rattle off ideas about where to find Buffy. It was still a little hard to think about. Buffy running off, to who knows where, all over some boy. How did she even get out of town? No one she knew had a car. It was then an idea formed. An idea so obvious, she couldn't believe that it had taken so long to come to her.

"What about the other one? Do you think maybe she would have run off with him?"

Giles broke off mid-sentence. "Other one?"

"Yes. The other boy. Or, or vampire I guess." Giles was still staring at her, lost for words. "Blond, looked kind of like Billy Idol? I think she said his name was Spike."

Giles whipped his glasses off and began polishing them at a rather alarming speed. "Spike? Good lord, are you, are you quite sure?"

"Yes. I'm almost positive that was his name. I met them coming up the walk, and they said they were in a band together, and then some _thing_ leapt out at us_, _and they fought it off together. And then it turned to dust. Right in front of me."

Giles was rubbing tiredly at his face. "But Joyce, that doesn't make sense. Why would Buffy take up with _Spike_? He's evil. A vampire. It just doesn't-"

"Well why not? She's done it before hasn't she? Gotten cozy with a vampire? I was under the impression that the whole reason she left, was because of this guy! This vampire that turned bad! So how can you stand there and tell me that there's _no way _it happened again!" her voice was shaking with suppressed frenzy. Giles got up, crossed the room, and sank into the sofa beside her.

"Joyce. I know that this is all quite hard to believe, and trust me when I tell you, I _know_ how worried you are about Buffy, but I promise you, there is absolutely no way she's with Spike."

She turned to face him, the wine glass trembling slightly in her hands. "I just want to find her. I need to know where she is! And this guy. Spike. When he was in the house talking to her-"

"She invited him into the _house_? Sorry, sorry, go on."

"He said he was leaving town. They made a deal. I couldn't hear all of it, but it sounded like if he helped save you, and helped defeat Angel, he could take some girl named Lucinda, I think it was, and they could get out of town. And now I assume they're gone, but she's gone too. So I just thought, maybe, she decided to go with them?"

Giles was staring, unseeing, at her glass of wine. "And you're quite sure they struck a compromise? That's, well that's quite a remarkable occurrence. I'll have to ask her about it when she gets back. But Joyce, I am positive that she is not with them. She may have made a deal with him, one that quite possibly saved the world, but Buffy would never associate herself with Spike on any sort of personal level. Of that I am completely certain."

Review?

Up next: Giles has that talk with Buffy.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Takes place a few hours before the start of Beauty and the Beasts. Giles talks to Buffy about Spike.

**Sunnydale, 1998**

"So that works for you Xander? I take the first shift and you come for the last part of the night? You're sure?"

Xander waved Willows concerns off with his hand. "Yeah, it'll be great. I'll get some sleep before I come and I can take a quick nap during homeroom. You get to study, Oz and I get some quality guy time, everyone wins." Willow grinned, and Oz raised his can of soda toward Xander in lieu of thanks.

"So is that it? Meeting over? Because Willow's not the only one who needs to study tonight. " Cordelia stopped examining her nails and made to rise from the table.

Willow glanced at her. "Um, yeah I think that's it, unless, Giles? Any big scaries coming our way?"

"Ah, no. None that I can think of."

"Fantastic. Let's go Xander." Cordelia was out of the library, doors swinging in her wake before anyone else even stood up. They stared after her for a few seconds, before Xander got up and walked after her, calling "see ya tonight Will!" over his shoulder.

Willow turned her attention towards Buffy. "Oz and I were going to hit the Espresso Pump before we have to be back here, if you want a ride home?"

Before Buffy could affirm that, yes she would like a ride home, Giles cut in. "Actually Buffy, I was wondering if I might have a word?"

Buffy exchanged a look with Willow. "Uh, yeah. Sure."

"Do you want us to wait for you Buffy? We don't mind."

"No. You guys go. Enjoy your sugar and caffeine. Wait. Oz, should you be caffeinating this close to a full moon?"

"Decaf."

"Right. Well, have fun. I'll see you guys tomorrow." She sank back into her seat, and as soon as they were out of the library, turned her focus to Giles. "So what's up?"

"Buffy I wanted to ask you some questions. About the night you defeated Acathla."

Her eyes immediately darkened. "No. No, Giles you've already asked me your questions, it's not fair for you to keep bringing it up."

"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean- my questions have nothing to do with Angel. I want to talk about something else. Spike actually."

"Spike? Why do you want to talk about Spike?"

"Because. Your mother mentioned that he was helping you, and as your watcher I think it is extremely important that I know about these things."

"My _mother_ talked to you about Spike?"

Giles was beginning to appear agitated. "Yes Buffy, contrary to popular belief, those of us over twenty-five, _do_ have ears, you know. She heard the two of you talking, and after you'd disappeared she brought up the idea that you had gone off with him."

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it certainly wasn't for her to burst into nearly hysterical laughter. "Buffy! This isn't funny!"

"No," she gasped through peals of laughter, "No of course not. My mother thinking I would run off with Spike isn't funny at all." She tried to regain a straight face. She failed.

Giles was much less amused. "You were gone!" Buffy broke off mid-chortle. "You were gone, and she was worried, and it was an idea. But more importantly, you invited an extremely dangerous vampire into your home and I for one, would like to know why."

"Because he was helping me. And I needed to keep an eye on him. So I brought him inside."

"Where he did what?"

"Mostly, I think he sat in the living room and made awkward small talk with my mother." Giles shot her a look. "Sorry. Look, he came to me and said he wanted to save the world. Said he wanted to stop Angel. He really just wanted Drusilla all for himself again, but I wasn't exactly in a position to turn down help. So we made a deal. He held up his end, so I held up mine. And before you get to into the questioning of my judgment, can I just point out that making that deal probably saved your life?"

Giles was looking at her the same way he often regarded texts that were written in Sumerian. It was vaguely unnerving. "A vampire who makes a deal with a Slayer. How uncharacteristic."

"I don't know. I mean, yeah, we made a deal, but he wasn't, like, heroic or anything. He just wasn't big on Dru and Angel making with the smoochies. Which isn't something I like to think about too much, either."

"But Buffy, I don't think your grasping how strange this is. Not only did a vampire approach a slayer with a bargain, and not only did said vampire follow through on the bargain, but you, the slayer, agreed to it and followed through as well. That's completely-"

"Yeah, yeah, you don't need to say it. It was completely unprecedented. Just like almost everything I do. Can I go now? I'm supposed to meet Faith."

Giles shook himself from his thoughts. "Almost. We still have a serious issue to discuss. I'm assuming Spike can still get into your house, if he wished to do so?"

Her eyebrows drew together. "Yeah, I guess."

"I think you should ask Willow to do the spell she did to keep out Angelus."

"I thought you didn't want her using magic? Besides that spell is such a hassle. You have to get the stuff, and do the thing, and say all those words, and some of them are in Latin. And it's not like Spike is ever going to come back."

"But how do you know? How can you possibly be certain of that?" he was definitely exasperated. If she intended to do anything tonight besides hear another lecture on responsibility, she needed to get out of there. Now.

"Because Giles," she stood up and was circling the table, heading toward the door. "As much as I hate to admit it, Spike's not stupid. He's smart enough to know that if he comes back to this town, I'll stake him on sight. And then I'll stake Drusilla. He wouldn't be around long enough to get anywhere near my house. Now I really have to go. Faith's waiting for me, and Willow and Oz will be back soon. I'll see you tomorrow Giles!" and with that she was gone, leaving her long-suffering watcher behind.

Next up: "Wait. You broke up with Angel because of something _Spike _said?"


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Set right after the end of Lovers Walk. This one isn't so much a conversation, as an excerpt of a conversation. In my mind, Buffy leaves Angel and goes to see Willow. When she gets there they have a long talk about Angel, Buffy's real feelings for him, why they can't get involved, how much it's hurting, etc. And then they talk about Oz, and Xander and Cordelia. Buffy gets angst-y, Willow gets angst-y, and somewhere in the middle, they briefly discuss Spike.

AN2: I have trouble writing high school Buffy. To an extent, I have trouble writing pre-resurrection Buffy. I prefer to write disenchanted, hardened Buffy. So if she's out-of-character, let this serve as my apology and my assurance that this is the last Buffy-centric chapter for a while.

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"And that's it? No more Angel, ever?"

Buffy sighed and turned towards Willows concerned face. "Yeah. For now anyway. Spike was right. We just don't work as friends." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Buffy wished she could stuff them back inside.

Willows eyes turned into saucers. "Wait. You broke up with Angel, because of something _Spike _said?"

"Well, no" Buffy crossed her arms defensively. "Not completely. I was already thinking about it, but hearing someone else, even a drunk and evil someone, say it out loud… I couldn't run from it anymore."

Willow was still having trouble comprehending. "But, _Spike?_ What did he even say?"

She sighed. "He said that Angel and I could never be friends. That we can hate each other and love each other as much as we want, but we'll never be friends. But he was more dramatic. And more British." She added as an afterthought.

"Wow. Insight from Spike. Who woulda thunk?"

Buffy cracked a smile. "Yeah. Oh hey, while we're on the not-so-pleasant subject, can you not mention to Giles that Spike got in my house? He's already going to be majorly peeved that Spike was here at all. If he finds out that he got in my house? I'd be slayed with my own stake."

"Sure." Willow agreed, and then brightened. "But think how happy he'll be when he finds out that you finally got to stake him."

Buffy looked puzzled. "What? I didn't stake him."

"W-what? But you, you said- when you got to the factory, and I asked 'What about Spike?' you said 'Spike's gone.' You said it Buffy!"

"I meant 'he's gone,' like he's gone from town, not from bodily existence!"

Willow was glaring at her from the opposite end of the couch.

"Willow, please don't be mad."

"No, no why would I be mad? The crazy vampire that locked me in an abandoned building, and threatened to kill Xander and me is still roaming around somewhere? What is there to be mad about?"

"He ran out really fast! And I was more concerned about getting you out of the abandoned building than I was about chasing him down! Can we talk about something else? Because I so do not want to talk about Spike."

"Yeah, ok."

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Next up: "You don't get it Harm! I have to kill her, or else she'll just keep ruining my life!"

Review?


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I had fun with this one. Set right before The Harsh Light of Day, when Willow runs into Harmony and learns she's a vampire. Harmony is a little more assertive than usual, but I was going off the Spike/Harmony relationship in the episode. She was whiny, but she taunted Spike and clearly wasn't afraid of him.

Warning: This chapter earns the T rating. They're vampires. They're violent. Also Spike uses one particularly harsh word, and there's some allusion to sex. But it's T not M, so you should be okay.

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**Sunnydale, 1998**

Spike stared at the drawings in his hands and tried very hard to ignore the sound of high-heeled shoes clicking through the tunnel. However he couldn't ignore her melodramatic sigh or the way she threw herself into the seat across from him.

"What is it Harmony?" he asked tersely, glancing up from his papers.

"I'm bored! Let's go do something. Ooh! We could go dancing! I could put on one of those super skimpy outfits my parents wouldn't let me out in, and we can go to the Bronze, and everyone there will be so jealous of how hot I look, and then we could go outside and kill some people! Doesn't that sound so fun Spikey?"

It was his turn to sigh. "I'm not taking you dancing."

"Why not?" she leaned back in her chair, pouting.

"Because." He stood up and started walking toward the door. "I'm a bit busy at the moment looking for the Gem of Amara. And after I get that, I'll be too busy killing the Slayer, and after _that _I'll be too busy finding Dru and proving that I'm better than a bleeding Fungus Demon." Harmony had beaten him to the door and was standing in front of him blocking the way. He put his arms on her shoulders. "So if you'll excuse me, I'll be off."

She didn't budge. "No."

He cocked an eyebrow. "No?"

She raised her chin defiantly. "No. I want to go dancing."

His grip on her tightened, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm not going dancing. I need to find the Gem, so that I can kill the Slayer."

And with that, he picked her up and threw across the room. She landed in a crumpled heap. "What is the deal with you and the Slayer anyways? It's just Buffy. I saw her, like, everyday for three years! She's so not even scary!"

Spike spun around in the doorway. "Clearly, _you've_ never had to fight her. She kills vampires. It's her calling in life. And unfortunately, she's fairly good at it. So if you don't mind, I'm going to go get the thing that will stop her!" he turned to leave, then turned back adding, "and by the way, I _know _you knew her. Why the hell do you think I let you start hanging around here anyway? The riveting conversation?"

A seductive smile spread across Harmony's face. "I thought it was for the sex."

"No," he said exasperated, "that's why I kept you around after it became clear that you knew nothing relevant about the Slayer. But sexual favors aren't going to be enough to get me to go dancing, so don't even try it."

"Fine!" she called to his retreating back. "Fine! Go find your stupid Gem! But you know what? I think I figured out why Drusilla left you! It was because you were to obsessed with the slayer to pay any attention to- ow!"

Spike had flown back into the room and with a snarl, slammed her to the wall by her throat.

"Never…talk to me… about Drusilla."

Harmony put her hands on his chest and shoved. Hard. He stumbled backward, releasing her neck, and she advanced on him, her eyes flashing. "That was it though wasn't it? She got tired of hearing you yammering about Buffy all day, so she started getting her kicks somewhere else."

"NO!" Spike roared and hit the table so hard, the legs splintered off. Harmony flinched. "I didn't say _one_ _word _about the fucking slayer, and she still ran off! And you know what? She blamed it on her. Not one word, and it's still the Slayers fault." He knocked Harmony to the dirt, picked up the broken table leg, and pinned her to the ground, the weapon poised right over her heart. "And you. You have the audacity to think that you might matter more to me than her?"

She nearly asked 'which her,' but instead she said, "You don't scare me."

He dug the wood into her skin. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. That's so." She raised her hips to grind against his. "If you stake me, who's gonna help with all that…frustration?"

Neither of them moved until Spike made a noise between a sigh and a growl, and threw the table leg away.

"That's what I thought." She stood up and brushed herself off. "I think I am going to go to the Bronze. You should really just give up on the Slayer, for now, and come with me."

He was crouched by the debris, gathering his plans. He looked up at her and with a quiet voice said, "You don't get it Harm. I have to kill her or she'll just keep ruining my life! And the sooner I find the Gem, the sooner she dies. I don't have time for dancing."

"Whatever. I'll go by myself. But you're totally taking me to France to make up for this whole Gem nightmare."

The table leg whizzed by her ear on her way out of the cave.

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Up next: "What? No they don't! They do not _tension _of any kind! Well, maybe violent tension. Is that a thing?"


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Chapter six! Sorry for the slight delay. This chapter gave me all sorts of trouble. I almost didn't include it, but there are some important things that happen here, beyond Anya's habit of making uncomfortable conversation. Hope you enjoy, and as always, please review!

AN2: I made a mistake on the last chapter in regards to the date. It should say 1999 not 1998. Sorry!

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**Sunnydale, 1999**

When Giles came downstairs two days after Buffy's return from L.A., he found himself surrounded by Scoobies. He paused, trying desperately to remember if he'd locked his front door before going to bed. Willow waved up at him.

"Hi Giles!"

"Hello. May I ask what you're all doing in my house at," he checked his watch, "nine-thirty am?"

Buffy responded. "Well there's been this rash of disappearances on campus and we think it could be linked to… nothing. There's nothing. I just like it when you make that face. Honestly? We felt bad about leaving you with the worlds worst house guest all week, so since it's Saturday we decided to come keep you company."

Xander and Willow nodded their affirmation. Anya played with a loose piece of string on a throw pillow and stared listlessly into space.

Giles considered asking them to leave, but changed his mind. Spike _was_ incredibly taxing, and perhaps Buffy would be more successful at extracting information.

"I see. In that case, feel free to take care of his first feeding. There's blood in the fridge. Also, try to get him to talk. I've been washing my hair in the sink for the past couple of days."

Buffy grinned, "I'll see what I can do," and disappeared into the kitchen.

"The sink? Does that work?" Xander questioned as Giles sat down in an armchair.

He sighed. "In a pinch. But I'm getting so tired of it, I'm seriously considering putting on a swimsuit and just taking a shower anyway."

Xander grimaced, Willow wrinkled her nose, and even Anya looked slightly put out at the idea of showering while a vampire was chained to the tub.

Buffy poked her head into the living room on her way out of the kitchen. "Ooh. Good idea Giles!"

The four exchanged puzzled looks until they heard the sound of the shower coming on, and then shutting off, followed by,

"Oy! I was asleep, Slayer! What're you trying to do? Drown me?"

"You're a vampire Spike. You can't dro- what the hell are you doing?"

"You soaked my only set of clothes. I'm trying to take them off so they can dry. Give me a hand with this shirt will you? Can't get it off with the chains." 

"No! I think you're grossly misunderstanding you're role as hostage. You aren't supposed be comfortable."

"Well what if I catch pneumonia?"

"See again. Vampire."

Willow turned to Giles, a wry smile in place. "That seems to be going well."

He smiled back, and was just about to say something, when Anya piped up. "When do you think they'll have sex?"

This statement was met with several seconds of shocked silence. Willow recovered first and stammered out, " Anya… they're, um, they're… never. They will be having sex never. Xander? Help me out here?"

He gulped. "What makes you think that they would do…that?"

She looked at him, brow knit in confusion. "What makes you think they wouldn't? They're both in great physical shape, nice looking. Plus they have all that sexual tension."

"What? No they don't! They do not have _tension _of any kind. Well, maybe violent tension. Is that a thing?" He turned towards Giles who just shrugged, looking very much like someone who just wanted to be somewhere else.

Through the silence they could hear Buffy's voice drifting from the bathroom. "I am _not_ bringing you a straw! Drink it like this, or not at all."

Anya wasn't finished. "I just think that they would be very compatible, you know, physically."

The other three continued to look at her, agape. "What? They're a good height for each other, and they both have all that super-strength. It makes sense!"

"Anya? Can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

She glanced around at all of them. Xander was staring at her expectantly, but the other two were exchanging uncomfortable looks. She had the sinking feeling that she'd made yet another alienating mistake. "Yes, I-I suppose so."

As they made their way to the door, they cold hear Giles wondering where he'd put his Scotch.

They pulled the door shut, and she turned to face him, annoyance written all over her face. "Okay. We're outside. Are you going to yell at me now?"

"No. I just wanted to talk to you away from everyone for a minute. I know it's hard for you sometimes."

"And this shouldn't be one of those times!" she huffed. "All I did was ask a simple question! I was trying to make small talk!"

The corners of Xander's mouth twitched. "Really?"

"Is sex not an appropriate topic for small talk?"

"Not usually." But his voice was amused and affectionate.

"Oh. See, that's something helpful to know, now I won't make that mistake again!"

"True. But Anya, you know it wasn't just that you were talking about sex right? It was that you were suggesting it happen between Buffy and Spike. And, believe me, that would _never_ happen with Buffy and Spike."

Anya leaned against the wall behind her. "But why not?"

"Because he's a vampire."

"And?"

"And he's a vampire. End of story."

"But what about Angel? He's a vampire, and they had sex."

Xander rubbed the back of his neck, tiredly. "Angels different. He has a soul, he's not going to go around killing people."

"Spike's not going to kill people either. He can't."

"Yeah, but Spike doesn't feel bad about what he's done, and Angel does. It's not just about whether or not they can kill."

A strange look passed over Anya's face, and she stared Xander directly in the eye. "I don't regret what I did."

"Huh?"

"All the people I hurt while I was a demon. I don't regret any of it."

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't a demon anymore. You're human."

"You're honestly saying that it doesn't bother you? I wreaked havoc for over a thousand years; I hurt, maimed, killed! And because I'm a human now it just goes away?"

He shook his head. "No. No of course it doesn't go away, and I'm not saying it doesn't bother me, I'm just saying that it doesn't matter what you were. All that matters is what you are now."

"And you like who I am now?"

A goofy grin spread across his face. "Yeah. I do."

"Well I'm exactly the same as I was then. Just minus the powers. Would you still like me if I were a demon?"

"Probably." He conceded with a shrug. Her eyebrows almost disappeared into her hair. "But you'd be off the table, because you'd be a demon."

"Is you're world really that black and white Xander? People good, demons bad? Is it really that simple to you?"

"Yes. Because it has to be. In order for me to do this job, to go out and help protect the world, there has to be a line. And if I cross that line and start making exceptions, it would be incredibly hard to find the line again. If I start wondering about, I don't know, a demons family, or their motivation, or if they're really evil underneath it all, I'll go crazy. As long as demons are bad and humans aren't, I can keep helping at an effective level. Can you understand that?"

She looked at him thoughtfully. "Yes. I think so. It's like the men I punished. If I started wondering if they had a good reason to behave the way they did, I never would have been able to exact vengeance."

Xander smiled. "Sure. That's the idea."

Just then the door opened and Buffy appeared. Anya walked right up to her and announced, "I understand you're inclusive slaying policy and, for the most part, I accept it."

Buffy just looked confused. "Thank you?"

"You're welcome!"

Buffy turned her attention towards Xander. "Do you think you could drive me down to the store really quick? I need to buy straws."

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	7. Chapter 7

AN: I am so, so, so sorry that this chapter took so long! It's been written and ready to go for over a week, but real life struck with all the subtlety of a holiday freight train. And then my Internet router broke. But the next chapter is done, and will be up tomorrow!

Story notes: Takes place somewhere between Hush and The I in Team. Remember that Tara hasn't met anyone at this point, so everything she says is based off of what Willow has told her. The part about Spike and Buffy doesn't start for a while, and it's pretty short, but what is said is important, and hopefully worth it. Also I make some fairly large claims about magic, so if it turns out that I've messed with something that is implicitly stated in canon, please let me know so I can fix it!

Warning: contains suggestions of gay love. And by that I mean, Tara and Willow flirt a little bit.

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**Sunnydale, 2000**

Willow watched her textbooks zooming around the room, a giddy smile plastered to her face. Tara had a similar expression, but _she_ was watching Willow. When Willow turned her head to meet Tara's eye, her smile was nearly blinding. Unnoticed by either girl, the books accelerated until they were nothing but a blur. One broke from the path and went straight for the witches on the bed. They shrieked and Willow fell sideways onto the floor, severing the link provided by their clasped hands. The textbooks ceased their flight and fell, motionless.

Tara's worried face appeared over the side of her bed. "A-are you alright?"

Willow sat up, rubbing her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry I messed up the spell," she sat back down, looking sheepish.

"Oh!" Tara's eyes widened. "You d-didn't mess it up! They were still moving; they just started going too fast. We were using magic that requires emotional control so, um, i-if one of us experienced a, um, st-trong surge of emotion…" she trailed off blushing, and stared at the bedspread.

Willow gave her hand a quick squeeze, a soft smile playing about her lips. "Or both of us."

Tara looked up, grinning, then cocked her head. "Why do you keep saying you aren't a good witch? I think you're- I mean, f-from what I've seen, you're amazing."

Willow looked guilty. "That's just because you've been doing the spells with me. Spells on my own? They tend to go badly. Or, if they don't go wrong, they have unintended and fairly wigsome results."

Tara smiled encouragingly. "I'm sure they're not th-that bad."

Willow turned to her, resolve face firmly in place. "I believe that it's time for The List of Willow-Spell Badness.

"To start off, we have Angel's soul. I got it back into him, which, okay, fairly impressive, even if it was too late and Buffy had to kill him. But magic has all been mostly downhillish from there.

"I tried something bigger than a glamour, blew the power for the block. Tried a de-lusting spell, got kidnapped by a drunk and depressed vampire. Tried a retrieval spell for a necklace, brought forth my evil twin. Although that one could just as easily have been Anya's fault-and I'm remembering that I haven't told you this story yet, which would go a long way to explaining the look on your face." She halted suddenly.

Tara's face was rife with confusion. "E-evil twin?"

Willow's eyes widened. "Super evil. I'll tell you about it in just a sec. I have to finish my list."

"Resolve face?"

"Resolve face. Anyway, a few months after the whole dominatrix-doppelganger thing, I did a spell so that Buffy and Angel could get this box to help stop the Mayor, and I got captured. But luckily, the one thing I _am_ good at is floating stuff, so I used a pencil to stake a vampire and I almost escaped. That one was actually pretty cool. But being captured by the bad guys? Wigsome result. And on Halloween this year, I tried to create a light for guidance, but it turned into a swarm and attacked me-"

"I thought you said that was b-because of a fear demon?"

"It was."

" Then that wasn't your fault at all! And all the rest of the spells either weren't completed, or they just had unexpected results. But they all worked the way they were supposed to. E-except maybe the dominatrix one."

Willow squirmed a little. "I haven't told you the latest thing I did."

Tara eyed her warily. "What was it?"

Willow looked up, not quite meeting her gaze. " A Will-be-Done spell. I was trying to will away how upset I was over Oz." she bit her lip and waited for a reaction.

When it came, it was surprisingly gentle. "Willow. You can't just magic away emotions. That's not what our power is for. It's n-no wonder the spell didn't work."

"Oh, it worked. Just not quite the way I intended."

She frowned. "W-what do you mean?"

"Well, I was still miserable, so I assumed it hadn't worked, and I said things, things that I didn't mean literally, and I didn't really think about them. But they came true. So, um, long story short, Giles was blind, demons kept attacking Xander, and Buffy was engaged to Spike. Oh! And I almost became a Vengeance Demon."

Tara's eyes resembled saucers. "Y-y-you almost became a _demon?_"

"No! That came out wrong. Not _almost_, almost. I was just offered the position. I never considered taking it!" Willow rushed to reassure her.

" Oh." If Willow didn't know any better, she'd think Tara sounded disappointed. "That must have been really s-scary."

Willow considered for a moment. "No. Not really. It was all very…formal." She shook out of her thoughts. "If anyone deserves sympathy it's Buffy. She had to be in love with _Spike_."

Tara blinked. "Um, that's not right."

Willow nodded emphatically. "Tell me about it. I wasn't around for most of it, thank God, but when I got there to undo the spell, they were getting pretty lusty on the floor of a crypt."

Tara's nose wrinkled. "The floor of a crypt? Yuck. But that isn't w-what I meant actually. When did Buffy say she was in love with Spike? Before or after the spell lifted?"

"After. She was pretty grossed-out. Why?"

It was Tara's turn to squirm. " Well, um, the spell you did, it shouldn't affect m-matters of the heart. That's why you couldn't wish away your pain.

"Love spells are the only magic that can make someone think they're in love, and even those are more about lust and obsession. After they're lifted the recipient almost always recognizes that they weren't really in love after all."

Willow swallowed uncomfortably, memories of hiding in Xander's bed returning all to clearly. Tara however, wasn't done and her next words snapped Willow back into the present.

"The only time magic can make someone actually be in love, is when the capacity to love each other already exists."

"So what are you saying? Buffy and Spike love each other now?" she said, slightly panicked. "Because after I broke the spell they went back to hating each other. Immediately. Like-" she snapped her fingers "-That! And, and if they're all, with the mushy feelings, it would be my fault and I-"

Tara laid her hand on Willow's knee and shook her head. "I'm not s-saying that they're in love and I'm not saying they ever will be. I'm j-just saying that some small part of her has the potential to be in love with him, and vice-versa. It means that, under the r-right circumstances, they could be compatible. But it doesn't mean it will ever come to anything. Because it probably won't, what with them being mortal enemies, and hating each other so violently."

"Hate!" Willow exclaimed suddenly, "love and hate are similar emotions right? I mean, they both come from a place of passion. Right?"

Tara nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose."

Willowed exhaled a breath neither realized she'd been holding. "So that's it then. When they thought they were engaged, their hatred got all twisty, because you don't get engaged to someone you hate, and so they thought that what they felt was love. That could have happened. Right?"

Tara looked into Willow's eyes. They were pleading for her to agree. Begging for assurance that her best friend would never love another vampire. Tara couldn't help but comply, despite her misgivings. "Yeah. Yeah that's probably it."

Willow looked relieved. "So. Ok. Buffy and Spike kissage, not going to lead to places I don't even want to consider."

"Nope."

She took a steadying breath, and then grinned. "Wanna hear about my evil twin?"

Tara returned the grin. "Yes, please!"

Willow turned to completely face her. "Ok. First of all, _so _skanky! And she kept hitting on me…"

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I'm putting in a late Christmas request for reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: So you know how I promised no more Buffy dialogue until season 5? That turned out to be false. Sorry. Also, I apologize to anyone that absolutely hates Riley. He's in here and they're being kind of cute. Sorry guys, but it was canon at the time. Hopefully what Buffy says about Spike makes up for it! Takes place after Restless. And since I probably won't post tomorrow, Happy New Year!

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**Sunnydale, 2000**

Two hours after testifying, Riley was sitting across from Buffy in a diner, enjoying a patty melt. Buffy watched him attacking his food from behind her half-finished milkshake and grinned.

"That one as good as the first two?"

He smiled. "What can I say? Testifying makes a guy hungry."

"Yes." She adopted a serious look. "I think I heard that once on Judge Judy."

He chuckled and swallowed the final bite. "You know, I can think of something else that works up an appetite."

Buffy rested her chin on her fist, eyes sparkling. "And what would that be?"

"Fighting demons."

She blinked. "Oh."

"What? Oh! You thought I meant… well, yeah that too, but we were talking about my testimony and while I was there I promised to help dispatch the demons that escaped, so, uh, that's kind of where my head was. Sorry."

She looked amused. "Dispatch?"

Riley shifted in his seat. "Their word, not mine. So how about it? Wanna kill some stuff tonight?"

Her face scrunched up and she groaned. "Tonight? We _just_ defeated the initiative. And I told you about those crazy dreams we had. Not exactly good for the restful sleeping. Also, summer."

"You trying to tell me you get summer vacation?" he teased.

"Kind of do. Demon activity is always pretty low-key during the summer. According to Giles and his books, it has something to do with the humidity and the long days. Demons get too hot, vamps get too dusty. So we get sort of a breather. Which is nice, since spring tends to make evil things particularly prone to world endage plans."

A smile spread out over Riley's face as he contemplated the idea of an entire summer stretching out before them, free of apocalypse. "That _would_ be a nice change of pace."

She nodded. "It really is. I forgot this is going to be your first summer here. We should celebrate. Ooh! Let's go to The Bronze! We can do a routine sweep to check for any big uglies and then go have some much needed fun."

Riley motioned for the check, and nodded his agreement. "Speaking of big uglies, what are you going to do about Hostile Seventeen?"

Buffy frowned. "Can't you just call him Spike? Hostile Seventeen sounds so…military."

Riley sighed. "Fine. What are you planning to do with Spike?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. Aside from being a large, vampire-shaped pain in my ass, he doesn't really affect me."

Riley looked up from his wallet, incredulous. "He was helping Adam!"

"Yeah and look how well that turned out. He's horrible at planning. Always has been. But if he ever gets that chip out, it's game over."

Riley waited until the waitress had walked over to the table, picked up his credit card, and walked back to the register before replying. "But why wait? Wouldn't it be easier to just walk in and stake him while he can't fight back?"

"It would," she conceded. "But you know I'm not comfortable killing things that can't fight back. And you have to admit that just strolling in and staking him would be pretty harsh."

"And he wouldn't do the same to you if he gets the chip out? Do you really think he'll tell you first? Or just go up to you, acting like nothings different and then break your neck? He's a monster Buffy!"

The waitress laid the card on the table, and if she was confused by their conversation, she didn't show it.

Buffy regarded her boyfriend calmly. "No. He wouldn't tell me. But he wouldn't kill me either. He likes the fight too much. He'd hit me without warning, but he'd want to have it out. Find out who's better once and for all." Riley tried very, very hard to ignore the look on Buffy's face, and the faraway sound of her voice. Then she shook herself, almost imperceptibly, and declared, "Of course he'll find out that I'm the best. Why are you so hell-bent on staking him all of a sudden anyway?"

Riley slid out of the booth as he explained, "I just don't like the idea of him being out there. He wants you dead and there are lots of ways to kill a person, ways that don't require physical contact. I worry about you. I can't help it. And I don't trust him."

She stood up next to him, and grabbed his hand. "I know. And I don't trust him either, but I know my enemies. And I know he's not going to hurt me. Not unless he can fight me."

They made their way to the door, hand in hand. "Besides, it's really hot out, and vamp dust sticks like a bitch when I get sweaty. I really don't want to consider how many showers I'd have to take to get Spike out of my skin."

The sound of Riley's laughter faded as the door shut behind them.

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Next up: Spike goes after that eleven quid.

Review?


	9. Chapter 9

AN: First chapter of season five! I want to take a minute and explain some things about the season five chapters. There aren't as many of them as one might expect. Season five is my favorite season and I really wanted to dive into all the denial and unrequited love, but I hit a roadblock. I had trouble finding organic places for a scene to occur. Buffy and Co. are pretty focused throughout the entire season on enormously important things, and it just seem realistic that they'd be sitting around and discussing Buffy and Spike. And then, when they did have a good reason, I felt like it was handled in canon, i.e. the conversations in Crush. So even though I really wanted to utilize this season, I just couldn't do it in a way I was comfortable with. That being said, it still has the most chapters of any season so far.

Chapter notes: Takes place immediately following Buffy vs. Dracula. This chapter features possessive, doesn't-realize-he-loves-her Spike. Hope you enjoy!

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**Sunnydale, 2000**

By the time Spike arrived at the castle he'd affectionately nicknamed "Castle de la Wanker," there was a moving van parked outside. He chuckled and, disregarding the ornate doorknocker, headed inside.

"Oi! Dracula! Got a score to settle with you!"

From the adjacent room came a voice, followed by the vampire himself. "There is no need to shout. We are not barbarians." When he caught sight of Spike he paused. "Or perhaps we are. Do we know each other?"

Spike ceased his pacing. "Spike. We met once 'bout a century back? In Ireland?" Dracula stared blankly. Spike sighed. "I was with Angelus."

Recognition sparked. "Ah yes. I recall now. You were sloppy. Over-eager. Barely more than a fledgling. I was at a loss as to why Angelus and Darla allowed you to be their companion." Spike glared. Dracula smirked. "I had no idea you were in Sunnydale."

"Well I am. And I thought maybe you'd like to take this opportunity to make things nice and pay me that money you owe me."

The smirk disappeared. "What money?"

Spike made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat, and resumed pacing. "You don't remember? Darla caught wind of you trottin' your story out for pay, and we were all set to take Stoker out, but you got to us first. Promised that you were giving him false information. _Swore_ you weren't selling out. And then you paid us off. Two hundred to each, except Dru, who said she didn't need it. But you shorted me. Only got one eighty-nine. And by the way-" he added, turning to face Dracula, "Who shorts a person eleven anyway? Why not ten? Or fifteen? Why eleven?" he was frowning again.

Dracula regarded him with a vaguely amused look. "I ran out. I had to give less to someone and you seemed the obvious choice. I did not believe you would survive long enough to use even the amount I gave you. Clearly I was wrong."

"Clearly. So what of it? Do I get my money?"

Dracula swept him up and down with calculating eyes that saw far too much. "What do you want with eleven pounds?"

Spike glowered. "I've fallen on hard times as of late. But you're the one with telepathy, so you already knew that. Even with the exchange rate, I figure I can get at least a pint."

"How did you know I was here? I told no one I was coming."

Spike blinked at the sudden change of topic. "Mind-reading on the fritz?'

He smiled slyly. "No. Sometimes I like to engage in an actual conversation. But be warned. I will know if you are lying."

Spike swallowed. "Right. Slayer's toy soldier told me."

"The Slayer?"

He rolled his eyes. "'Bout yay high, blonde, and, if the van full of dirt is any indication, just kicked your ass all over this castle?"

Dracula's face lost all traces of amusement. He fixed Spike with a cold, unforgiving gaze. "I know who the Slayer is. But do you?"

He scoffed. "Course I do! Damn sight more than you, I'd wager!"

"Really? You think so?"

"I know so. You've been here what? Few days? I've been here years. No other demon's ever known her so well."

Dracula leaned against the mantle. "If you know her so well, why does she still live? I would have expected an Aurelian such as yourself would have disposed of her long before I'd even heard her name."

"Because." Spike ground out. "All down to luck. It was just one thing after another, and then, when I finally was in a position where I could fight her, I got this fucking chip shoved up into my grey matter. So now I can't hurt anything. At all." He stopped, chest heaving.

Dracula watched him for a moment before replying, "There are…other ways. Poison. Explosives. You could kill without touching her."

"Oh, please! I have more integrity than that! Besides," his voice softened and his eyes glazed. "I want her to know it's me. My fists beating her down, my hands on her, my fangs slipping into her neck. And I'll drain her dry. Consume her until there's nothing left. Until I drown in her. And," His eyes slid back to Dracula, "most importantly, I want her to know that I'm the one who finally won. All on my own. Without the help of bombs or cyanide."

He watched as Dracula left his place by the mantle and advanced saying, "Then I feel sorry for you. If you wish to wait for a fight before drinking her, you will most likely be waiting a long time, and I can say with certainty you are truly missing out."

Spike froze. A shiver of rage shot down his spine. "You tasted her?" his voice was steely, full of power he thought he'd lost along with the chip. How dare this sorry excuse for a monster roll into town and bite _his _slayer?

A lazy, satisfied smile stretched across Dracula's face. "And she was exquisite."

A moment later the smile was replaced by surprise. Spike's face was inches away, fanged and yellow-eyed. "Touch her again and I will destroy you. Gypsy magic be damned."

Dracula cocked his head. "Why do you care?"

He snarled. "Because she's mine."

Two blocks away, he remembered the eleven pounds and roared.

Fucking Slayer always ruined everything.

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	10. Chapter 10

AN: Chapter ten! Super short. Takes place right after Out of My Mind. It always kind of bugged me that there was absolutely no fall out from Spikes attempt to remove the chip (aside from a truly fantastic dream), so this is my attempt to explain why. Also, in case it's too vague, the Spuffy element of the story is her lying to protect him. She just doesn't realize she's doing it. Standard Riley disclaimer applies: It was canon, make peace with it or skip this chapter. Enjoy!

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**Sunnydale, 2000**

Buffy could almost feel Giles' eyes snap to her the moment she entered the Magic Box. She offered a wan smile in his direction.

"Buffy? How did everything go? I wanted to call, but I was afraid I would disturb your mother, or, or Riley. I was hoping that no news was good news, but all the same I was getting quite anxious."

She sank into the chair opposite him. "Fine Giles. It went fine. Riley's going to be okay. It was pretty close but the doctor said that, um, with rest he should, he _will,_ be just fine."

Giles exhaled slowly. "Good. I know how worried you were, how worried we all were. It's, well, it's quite a relief to know he's alright."

Buffy looked up from where her hands were twisted together on the table. She was biting her lip and her eyes where suspiciously shiny. "But he almost wasn't. God, he came so close to dying. When I found him-"

"Where _did_ you find him?"

"The Initiative caves. He was punching the walls and his hands were bleeding. It was horrible."

Giles sighed. "And did Spike provide any assistance at all?"

She snorted. "No. He said some things that really upset me, and I tore the money in half and walked out. " Giles flinched slightly. It had been his money. "Sorry."

He covered her hand with his and gave it a light squeeze. "No matter. You got Riley to the doctor in time and that's that."

Her tired eyes met his. She should tell him about Spike and Harmony and the near chip-erectomy, she really should, but Giles would turn it into a whole big thing that would almost certainly end in a staking. Hell, Spike had _earned_ a staking, but it was kind of nice, just sitting here in the quiet, and the last few days of worry were starting to take a toll, and no matter how much he might deserve it, she just didn't have the _energy_. So she ignored her better instincts and said, "yeah. That's that."

But the next time Spike tried something that stupid, his ass was dust.

_Yeah, _An annoyingly familiar voice piped up from the back of her mind, _keep telling yourself that Slayer._

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AN2: Sorry to be neurotic about this but I'm driven to distraction by my need to stay in character, so I have to be clear. I'm not saying that she has feelings for him. She doesn't, and won't for a long time. However she must have noticed that she's constantly making empty threats. Again, sorry for the neurosis.

Review?


	11. Chapter 11

AN: I want to take a minute and say thanks to all the people who have reviewed, and to all the people who have added Conversations to their alert and favorite lists. It makes me so happy to hear that people like the story and, at the risk of sounding cliché, it really does make me want to update faster! So thank you guys so much!

Chapter Notes: Takes place during Triangle, right after the scene at The Bronze, and right before Buffy kicks Olaf's ass.

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Tara ran to catch up with Buffy, who was standing in the middle of the street, muttering to herself. "Okay. Follow the destruction. Where'd you go Olaf?"

Tara drew to a halt, scanning the demolished street. "That way. There are still some car alarms going off."

Buffy smiled at her. "Good eye!"

They started making their way, slower now, watching to see if the path of debris would veer off in another direction.

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?"

"I was wondering about Spike. Should he, uh, should we have left him there? I mean, I know he can't hurt anyone and he seems to have pretty good control, but there are people bleeding all over the place. It seems like it would be p-pretty easy to-"

"Feed?" Buffy was clearly distracted, still keeping her eyes and ears open for clues to the troll's whereabouts.

"Yeah."

Her reply was hurried, and she didn't even look at Tara, who had a feeling that she wasn't really thinking about what she was saying. "Don't worry. He's not going to do anything that would piss me off. He already thinks I'm mad at him. Does the damage to left or the right look newer?"

"Left. Why would you be mad at him? Besides the whole 'enemies' thing?"

"Oh, uh, he was the one who showed me what Riley was doing."

Tara stopped in her tracks. "_Spike _showed you?"

Buffy doubled back, grabbed Tara by the arm and pulled her into walking again. "Yeah. He woke me up, told me he needed to show me something, and took me to the nest."

"Why? Did he want money?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. He just said I needed to see it. And after I saw it, I didn't really care why he showed me." she stopped abruptly. "Oh no."

"What?"

"This road. It leads directly to the Magic Box."

Tara's eyes widened. "Maybe they figured out some way to trap him?"

"Maybe." They sped up anyway.

And then something about their previous conversation sunk in. "Hang on. Spike showed up at your house, didn't tell you where you were going, and you just f-followed him?"

Buffy looked at her and shrugged. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Tara simply stared at her. For all the time Buffy spent declaring that she didn't trust him, she'd still followed Spike into a vampire nest in the middle of the night. Alone. But pointing that out to an emotionally fragile slayer might not be the best course of action.

She was saved the trouble of responding by a dull roar, followed by a high-pitched shriek.

"Willow!"

They broke into a run, leaving all thoughts of helpful vampires and the slayers who trust them, forgotten on the street.

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Review?


	12. Chapter 12

AN: First chapter with Dawn! Otherwise known as the first time someone actually realizes what's going on. It was a fun one to write. Especially the last couple of paragraphs. Takes place during Checkpoint.

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**Sunnydale, 2001**

Spike sat cross-legged on top of his sarcophagus, painting his nails and surveying his surprise houseguests. Joyce was starting to doze off in front of the television and Dawn was-

"Boo." Behind him. But he didn't jump. Not at all. She hoisted herself up, and as he was turning to face her she grinned. "I scared you didn't I? I rule."

"Didn't scare me. Just wasn't expecting you to be over here. Thought you were watching the telly with your mum."

She shrugged. "I was. But she's asleep and the only thing on is the news. And it's always the same; disappearances, weird deaths, unexplained crazies." She faked a yawn. "Boring."

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "That so?" she just nodded. "And you decided what? Nothing worth watching so you'd come play 'harass the vampire'?"

"Nah. Harassing you is Buffy's deal. I just wanted to see if I could borrow some nail polish."

She reached for it, but he slid away from her. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

She frowned. "Why not?"

"What's big sis going to think if she comes to fetch you, and I've let you paint your nails black?"

"She'll think 'oh good. Now she won't try to steal mine!'"

"No," he corrected, "she'll think 'my, doesn't Spike's nose look awfully breakable today!'"

Dawn glared at him for a few seconds before relenting. She crossed her arms muttering, "Fine. I don't see why you care so much what she thinks, anyway."

Spike's eyes darted away from hers, and he addressed her shoulder. "I don't. But I also don't particularly relish the idea of being punched in the face. Again."

"If you hate her so much, why do you do everything she says? And don't say it's for money. I know she quit paying you months ago."

It was Spike's turn to glare. "I think I liked you better when you were scared of me." 

She snorted. "Please. I was never scared of you. And you're avoiding the question."

"You're too nosy for your own damn good you know that? Going to get you in trouble one of these days."

"Not with you. Totally human over here. You can't hurt me."

He growled. "I could try."

She stared at him. "Oh how terrified I'm not. 'Don't hurt Dawn' falls under the category of things my sister says."

"Fine. You're right. I pretty much do the things she asks me too. It's just how it is. And so far it's worked out pretty well, what with me getting to be not dusty and all. Happy?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not really." She regarded him somberly for a moment. " Can I ask you something?"

"Else, you mean?"

A smile flitted across her face. "Yeah."

He heaved a sigh. "I don't suppose my saying no will stop you. What's with the bloody inquisition anyway?"

"Nothing else to do I guess? Since you won't let me paint my nails. Plus, it's not like you and I have many one-on-one encounters. So can I? Ask?"

He let out a harsh puff of air from his nose. "Yeah, go ahead."

Dawn cocked her head to the side and watched as he resumed painting his nails. "I was just wondering…why are you still here?" he stilled, but didn't look up. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you are, especially when you're being all helpful guy and fighting on our side, but it's not like anyone from the Initiative is around to remove the chip, and everyone sort of wails on you, and as long as you went somewhere with a butcher shop and underground dwelling opportunities, you'd be fine right?"

"What's your point?" he asked his lap.

"Why don't you leave?"

He was taking in careful, even breaths. "I can't."

"Why not?"

His head finally snapped up, and the fire in his eyes startled Dawn. "Because I can't! Alright?" he chuckled. "Never could, could I? Got beat down every time I showed up here, and what do I do? I keep coming back for more. And now I can't leave."

She'd inched away from him a little when he started yelling, but curiosity got the better of her once more. "But if there's nothing here for you-"

"Oh," his voice softened, "there's something here for me."

Just as Dawn opened her mouth to ask what it was, the crypt door flew open with a bang that made both vampire and teenager jump.

Spike grinned wryly. "Slayer."

"Spike." Buffy then turned her attention to Dawn. "Sorry I'm so late."

She hopped from the sarcophagus. "No worries. How'd it go with the Council?"

Buffy grinned. "Let's just say, they won't be a problem anymore. How'd it go here?"

"Fine. Mom and Spike watched Passions, and then Mom and I watched some more TV until she fell asleep. Pretty uneventful."

Buffy glanced over her shoulder to where Joyce was beginning to stir, and then refocused on Spike. "You know most Passions fans are middle-aged women right?"

His smile widened. "What can I say love? I defy boundaries."

Buffy's only response was to roll her eyes before crossing the room to help her mother.

Dawn turned her head to look at Spike, determined to get the answer to her last question before she left. "So what's here for-" she began, but when she saw his face she stopped. He was staring at Buffy; longing and something else she'd never seen there, written on his face.

Then he blinked and looked down at Dawn. "What?"

"Never mind."

"Come on Dawnie. Time to go." Buffy and Joyce were standing at the door, looking at her expectantly. She walked towards them, glancing between Buffy and Spike, understanding blooming in her mind.

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	13. Chapter 13

AN: Takes place directly after the Angel episode Redefinition and before Drusilla shows up in Crush. This one is a little more introspective than other chapters, mostly because getting inside Darla's head was entirely too much fun. I also used this chapter to explain how Dru went from leaving Spike for being in love with Buffy in Fool for Love, to trying to get him back in Crush. Because it bugged me.

AN2: If you remember season 2 of Angel really well, feel free to skip this note and get to the good stuff. If you don't, I'll provide a bit of context. I don't know about you guys, but I remember Buffy better than Angel, and I had to do some digging to jog my memory. Darla comes back as human but she's dying. Angel tries to save her but he can't, and just when they've reached a nice place and are having a pretty sweet moment, Drusilla comes in and bites her. The two of them bring havoc to all, and massacre a basement of evil lawyers. Then they start hiring an army of demons, but Angel ends up tricking them and setting them on fire. Also, Darla's trying very hard to squash all her fuzzy feelings for Angel.

**Los Angeles, 2001**

For a long time after they escaped from the fire, Darla sat on the side of the road cradling Drusilla. And while Dru cried and shook, Darla thought. And planned.

Clearly, taking Angel down was going to be harder than she'd originally thought. And, as much as she hated to admit it, they needed help. Of course, she could always seduce the soul out of him. If that pathetic little virgin of a slayer had been enough for him, surely Darla, with her four hundred years of experience and her time as a professional, would be capable of giving a "moment of true happiness." Of course, in order to seduce him, she'd have to be in the same room as him and so far that hadn't ended well. As if to remind of her that fact, Drusilla's wails reached a fever pitch.

What they really needed was someone for Drusilla. Someone who could keep her calm, keep her company. Someone who really understood the way she thought, someone like…Spike. She knew that he was still alive. She'd asked Dru the night of the massacre and she'd responded affirmatively, but when pressed for details all she'd say was " he's playing watchdog, all chained up to the tree."

Darla hadn't enquired further. She didn't like him, and had been fairly relieved to find that he was no longer attached to Drusilla at the hip. But he was the only person she'd ever seen who could calm Drusilla instantly, and the only one who always understood her erratic behavior. The idea of asking him for help bothered her, but desperate times and all that. Besides, three against one were the kind of odds she liked to play.

She gently shook the younger vampire's shoulder. "Dru? Dru, honey, you need to sit up, I need to ask you something."

Drusilla, still trembling, straightened up, and peered at Darla through wide, curious eyes.

"A while back, I asked you about Spike. Do you remember?"

She nodded.

"Good. Now listen to me Drusilla, this is important. Do you know where he is?"

Dru's eyes clouded and her voice grew cold. "You mustn't go back there."

"But you know? You know where he is?" she desperately tried to keep the irritation out of her voice.

A smile twisted the corners of Drusilla's mouth and she announced, "He walks across your grave every day."

Darla blinked. "Spike's in Virginia?"

A giggle pierced the night, but it was anything but happy. "No. Your other grave. The one made of ash."

"Sunnydale? All this time, he's been in _Sunnydale?_" Darla's brain began to work rapidly. Dru was right; she couldn't go back to Sunnydale. The Slayer believed her dead. But Dru could. She could go, bring Spike back with her, and together they would find a way to get rid of the soul.

"Alright. This is what we'll do. Go to him. Tell him what we're up to or not, but get him here, then the three- why are you making that face?"

Drusilla's face was contorted into a mockery of sorrow. "He's lost to us now. Lost to me." her voice hardened and her expression morphed from parodied sorrow to true rage. "Lost in _her_."

"Who? Who is 'her?'" so Spike had a new mistress? There hadn't been many impressive female vampires around Sunnydale, but a lot could change in four years.

Dru was still regarding her strangely. "The one who takes. She's taken our boys and turned them to men."

Something cold and heavy dropped into Darla's stomach. It couldn't be. "The Slayer?"

Drusilla nodded somberly. "My naughty boy wants to touch the sunshine. But he's forgotten how it burns."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Tch. Mind your tongue. Mustn't speak to Mummy like that."

Darla rolled her eyes, and grabbed Dru by the shoulders. "Are you really telling me that you're just going to give up? On Spike? You _made_ him Drusilla, he belongs to _you_."

Drusilla looked at her slyly. "Like Angel belongs to you?"

Darla recoiled slightly. "That's different. Besides, Angel never loved me, not like Spike loved you." She was laying it on thick and she knew it. But if it got Drusilla to changer her mind…

Dru's face was shockingly pensive, and she shook her head sadly. "It's no use. She's all around him, inside him. She'll make him whole."

"No!" Darla was desperately fighting the panic she could feel rising. She would not lose to the Slayer again. Watching her cut down vampires with a stake was one thing. But this? Angel's face swam in the darkness in front of her. This was worse.

"There has to be a chance! We cannot let her win. Not again. I _died_ because of her. So did Angel, so did the Master. Hell, the only reason Angel is even trying to be good is because of her! That little bitch ruins _everything,_ and it stops now! She doesn't get to-"

Her rant was cut off by Drusilla who had begun to shake and moan.

It was over quickly and Dru's head snapped up, eyes meeting Darla's.

"Horrible things are coming. Such horrible, horrible things."

A slight fission of fear shot along Darla's spine. She knew better than to ask what was coming, so instead she asked "For who? Horrible things are coming for who? For us? Angel? The Slayer? Spike?"

Drusilla's voice dropped to a whisper. "For us all."

Darla saw an opportunity and pounced on it. "Okay. Here's how it's going to go. If we act fast we can swing these 'terrible things' into our favor. We rest up for a few days, and as soon as you're strong enough, you go to Sunnydale. Get Spike back here before it really is too late. The three of us work on Angel, and once we've all had our fill of L.A.? We finally take care of our little Slayer problem."

Dru just stared at her, clearly still shaken by her vision. But then a smile spread slowly across her face and a familiar glint shone in her eyes. Darla smiled back, murmured, "That's my girl," and pulled Drusilla back against her side.

The Slayer would pay for her sins. But not before Angel paid for his.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Because there's no way Spike just gave up when Buffy shut the door in his face. Set after Crush. Also contains a vague throwback to chapter 8. Let me know if you spot it!

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**Sunnydale, 2001**

The clicking of his lighter filled the silence of the dark. Spike brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, his eyes slipping closed. He'd been standing under the tree in Buffy's front yard for over an hour. Eventually she would come to her senses and invite him in again. Or, at the very least, she would come outside to yell at him for still being here and he'd get another chance to talk her around. He just had to stay put long enough.

Time passed. He smoked another cigarette, and another after that. Just when he was beginning to contemplate chucking rocks at her window until she was so annoyed she would _have _to talk to him, he heard footsteps.

He glanced up, hoping for his elusive slayer. Instead he was met with the sight of Dawn rounding the corner of the house. He grinned. If he couldn't make any headway with Buffy, maybe he could convince Dawn to be on his side. He leaned against the tree and waited as she approached.

She came to a halt in front of him, looked down at the growing pile of cigarette butts on the ground, and then met his eyes. "You do know our yard's not an ashtray, right?"

He smirked around the cigarette dangling from his teeth. "Well I'm not about to put them in my pocket now, am I?"

"You could always try not smoking. That would cut down on the trash."

"I could. But I like the danger. Besides. I needed something to pass the time."

Dawn folded her arms. "So your plan is what? Wait around until Buffy stops being mad and comes outside to talk to you?"

He leaned back against the tree. "Yeah. Don't suppose you'd put in a good word for me?"

She snorted. "You tased her and chained her to a wall. Any anger she's displaying toward you is totally justified."

"Hey! Dru was the one with the taser."

Dawn just raised her eyebrows.

Spike smiled uneasily. He'd seen her angry often enough to know that he really didn't want her to turn on him. "You're not mad at me though. Right, Nibblet?"

She frowned. "You chained my sister to a wall, Spike!"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

"Right. Because when trying to win someone's affection, holding them against their will is always the way to go."

Spike glowered at her and threw his cigarette to the ground. He reached for another, but Dawn grabbed his wrist before he could reach into his pocket.

Her voice was surprisingly steely. "Go home, Spike."

He wrenched his arm free, and looked up at her angrily. "The Slayer send you out with that message?"

She didn't back down. "No. Mom's asleep and Buffy's in the shower. They don't know I'm out here."

He sighed. "Why _are_ you out here?"

"Because," she crossed her arms again, "you may not be my favorite person right now, but I don't want you dusty. And that's what you're going to be if Buffy finds out you're still here."

Buffy's words from earlier in the evening came back to him.

"I'm not leaving town. I have just as much right to be here as anyone else."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "You don't have to leave town, just our yard. The sun will be up soon anyway. And if you think that Buffy's going to let you in just because you're about catch on fire…" she trailed off, and he could hear the challenge in her voice.

"You could let me in. or your mum."

"We could. But we won't."

"Oh come on!" he huffed. "Your mum likes me!"

Dawn graced him with a smirk to rival his own. "She thinks you're alright, for a vampire. That does _not _mean she wants you to be with Buffy. The whole 'Spike loves Buffy' thing really freaked her out." She paused then added, "Actually it kind of freaked everyone out. Except me. I, uh, already knew. What?"

Spike was regarding her somberly. "You really think she'll stake me?"

"No. I think she'll lean out her window with a crossbow."

His eyes flickered up towards the window in question.

Dawn took pity on him and relaxed her posture. "Look. She didn't stake you tonight. She just locked you out of the house. Give her some time to cool down, and you should be fine. I'm not saying she'll forgive you-and I'm not saying I forgive you- but I doubt she'll kill you."

He looked down at her, and smiled. "She really didn't, did she?"

"But her patience is pretty much shot. So you need to go home now. Okay?"

"Yeah, alright."

He threw one last look at Buffy' window and turned towards the street.

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Review? Pretty Please?


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Set right after Giles and Xander take Spike back to his crypt in Intervention.

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**Sunnydale, 2001**

Xander clicked his seatbelt into place and turned towards Giles.

"Are we doing the right thing?"

Giles started the car and backed into the street before responding. "What, you mean by leaving Spike alive for the time being?"

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong; I'm totally on board. But that's mostly because, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I honestly don't think I could put a stake in him right now. It just seems cruel."

Giles sighed. "It is rather difficult to wish more pain on him at the moment, isn't it?"

Xander shook his head. "Boy. I never thought I'd see the day when I felt bad for _Spike."_ Giles smiled. "But if he told Glory about Dawn…"

"If he's told Glory about Dawn, there will be no lack of volunteers to do him in. Hurt or no. But the fact that he was still alive when we arrived on the scene, would seem to suggest that he hadn't given her what she was after."

Xander stared, unseeing, out of the window. "I just wish we'd been able to get more out of him."

"Yes, me too. Though it's questionable whether he would have told us the truth, even if he had been less incoherent. Were you able to understand anything?"

Xander shrugged. "I though he said something about Bob Barker, but that doesn't seem right. And, um," he looked away from Giles, "I heard Buffy's name a lot."

"As did I. I think we'll have to leave it up to her, to decide what to do about him."

"What do you think she'll do?"

Giles deliberately avoided looking at Xander as he replied, "I really don't know. I've given up on ever understanding the way she thinks when it comes to Spike."

A smile tugged at Xander's mouth. "Tell me about it."

Giles frowned and continued. "But even if he somehow managed to stay quiet about the Key, he still has to contend with her over that blasted robot."

Xander cringed. "I'll probably spend the rest of my life trying to block out _that_ particular memory."

Giles chuckled, as they parked alongside the Magic Box.

Xander stood on the sidewalk, waiting, and when Giles rounded the car he met his eyes. "In all seriousness though Giles. Do you think she can get him to talk?"

"Honestly? I think that if anyone in the world could get him to tell the truth, it would be her."

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Review?


	16. Chapter 16

AN: This was, by far, the hardest chapter to write. If you read anything else by me, you know that I'm not one to shy away from angst. However, angst is very different than grief, and grief has always gotten to me. So this may not be the best chapter, but believe me when I tell you, I tried my hardest. Takes place after the Angel episode, There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb, and after The Gift.

AN2: Angel refresher: Angel Investigations travels to an alternate dimension to rescue Cordelia, who was sucked through a portal. While there, they rescue Fred and discover that because of her visions, Cordelia has been made princess. They eventually are able to leave and the entire group including Fred and Cordelia, still in her royal clothes, arrives back at the Hyperion. When they walk in the door they find Willow, who has come to tell them that Buffy's dead.

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**Los Angeles, 2001**

Cordelia, outfitted once more in normal clothes, cautiously approached Angel's office. She was expecting to find him either sitting in stony silence or possibly breaking things. Either way she didn't want to make any sudden movements.

Instead she found Willow, sitting alone in the room, staring into a cup of coffee.

"Hi."

Willow looked up, startled. "Cordy! Hi." She tried for a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.

Cordelia glanced around the empty room. "Um, where's-"

"Oh! Angel left a couple a minutes ago. Said he needed to go pummel something." Cordelia tried her hardest to keep from looking too alarmed, but Willow must have spotted it anyway. "Don't worry. Wesley went with him. He told me to tell you that he'd keep him from doing anything too reckless."

Cordelia relaxed and slipped into the seat to Willow. "So, how are you?"

Willow looked up, and the pain written on her face broke Cordelia's heart. "I'm sorry. That was a stupid question."

Willow shrugged. "Nah, it's okay. I'm, I'm alright, I guess. It doesn't really feel…real. Y'know?"

For a split second the image of Doyle flashed in front of her eyes. She blinked and he was replaced by a thousand memories of Willow and Buffy. Sitting together, talking, laughing, crying, planning. Three years she'd witnessed and two she hadn't. Losing Doyle had been one of the worst things that ever happened to her. But what Willow was going through right now? It had to be worse.

She reached over, grabbed Willow's hand, and gave it a tight squeeze. Willow smiled at her gratefully.

"There's just so much to do right now. So much to figure out. There almost isn't enough time to think about B- her. I mean, there's the funeral stuff, but there are so many other things too. What are we going to do with Dawn? And what about the demons? If they find out that Sunnydale isn't protected by a slayer anymore…"

"You'll figure it out." Cordelia smiled. "You've always been the smartest out of all of us."

Willow let out a shaky laugh and looked down at her lap, blinking furiously. Cordelia felt a tear land on the back the hand that was still covering Willow's.

"Do you need a place to stay tonight? There are plenty of rooms here, or if you want something a little less old and spacious, you can stay with me. I have a ghost but he's friendly. Kind of like Casper. His name is Dennis and his mother used to haunt the place, but she was pretty evil, and after we avenged Dennis his spirit sort of took over- and wow, rambling, really not helpful is it?"

Willow pulled her hand free and wiped her eyes while replying. "Don't worry about it. We've all been doing our fair share of the ramble these days." She pushed her chair back and rose to her feet. "And thanks for the offer, but I really need to get back. I didn't mean to be gone this long."

Cordelia stood too and opened her mouth to reply, but Willow cut her off. "Don't apologize for not being here. I think 'stuck in a hell dimension,' is one of the few foolproof excuses."

She chuckled. "True." But then her smile faded and she said earnestly, "I am so, so sorry Will. About not being here, and about, um, about Buffy.

"I know I was pretty much a bitch to everyone, and I never really said anything, but I want you to know that I did care about all of you. I still do."

Willow nodded. "I know."

Cordelia offered a sad smile. "Give Dawn a hug for me?"

"I will. Listen, I told Angel, but I'll go ahead and tell you too. The f-" she swallowed hard. "Funeral is eleven thirty, Thursday night."

"I'll be there."

Willow gave an odd sort of jerk that seemed to indicate that she understood, and turned to walk out the door.

Cordelia followed her. "Willow, wait!"

Willow stopped at the door and turned back. In lieu of explanation, Cordelia pulled her into a hug. Willow stiffened briefly before relaxing into it, and Cordelia was seized with the realization that Willow had probably spent most of her time lately as the hugger, not the hugged. So she waited for Willow to pull away before she let go.

"Thanks. I'll see you Thursday, Cordy."

"Don't mention it. Angel probably didn't say anything, but I know it means lot to him that you're having the ceremony after dark."

Willow opened her mouth, then snapped it shut again. Cordelia watched, confused, as panic started to show on Willows face and she started to mumble, "Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no! How could I forget to- and I don't know where he went, and-" abruptly she cut herself off and looked up into Cordelia's face. "Can you do me kind of a weird favor?"

Cordelia hoped that she looked more confident than she felt as she replied, "sure, what is it?"

"Can you tell Angel something for me?"

"Of course."

Willows eyes darted between Cordelia and the chairs behind them. "Maybe we should sit back down."

Cordelia returned to her chair. "Okay." She drew the word out. "Willow you're starting to really freak me out."

Willow sank down, gnawing on her lip. "Here's the thing. You know that Spike can't hurt people anymore, and he's kind of been working with us right?"

Cordelia nodded slowly. "Yeah. Oh my god. Was he there? Was it his fault? Does Angel need to kill him?"

"Yes, he was there; no, it wasn't his fault; and he doesn't need to kill him, but he might want to."

"Why? What did he _do_ Willow?"

Willow gazed at her sadly. "He was in love with Buffy."

Cordelia was suddenly very glad that they were sitting down. "For how long?"

Willow shrugged. "Not sure. A while I guess. We found out about a month ago."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It's not really that big a deal." Cordelia raised her eyebrows; Willow ignored her. "But he's going to be there Thursday. And it's pretty obvious that he felt more for her than just, reluctant alliance. It wouldn't be fair to Angel to not tell him."

Cordelia tried desperately to get a hold of her racing thoughts. Angel. Right. He needed to know that he wasn't the only vampire to love the Slayer. Okay. She could do this.

"I'll tell him. But he's going to want to know. Did she love him back?"

"No! No, of course not! I don't think she hated him anymore, but she definitely didn't love him."

"And you're sure, _absolutely_ _sure_, that he loved her?"

Willow thought about Spike chaining Buffy up in his crypt, and the Buffybot, and all the other awful things he'd done over the past few years.

The she thought about the way he looked after they found him at Glory's, and the sight of him holding a sword with his bare hands, and the way he'd sobbed at the base of that tower.

And the fact that when she left that morning, he'd still been on the sofa. Determined to keep a promise he'd made to a dead girl that didn't love him.

"I'm sure."


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I am so sorry this took me so long. I'm sure you don't want to hear my excuses, but I want to explain myself a bit. I've been working on this chapter for two weeks, and I've probably rewritten it at least four times. I suffered from horrendous writer's block. And it wasn't the kind where I didn't know what to write. I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, I knew what characters I was using, and I knew what I was trying to portray. But I couldn't get my words to cooperate. The dialogue was wooden and slightly contrived, the narration read like it was written by a nine year old. The whole thing was a mess. But I did my best to work through it and, although I'm not 100% satisfied with it, I finally feel like this chapter has reached a point where it meets my own personal standards. Hopefully you guys will agree.

I want to thank everyone who's reviewed. I honestly don't think I would have worked past the block without you. I had to go back and re-read the reviews on this story to remind myself that, yes, there are people who read and enjoy what I've written. So this chapter dedicated to you. Thank you so much for all the support.

Chapter Note: Takes place early in the summer between seasons five and six. The characters are Spike and the Buffybot. I realize that the Bot is kind of a strange choice of character, but I really wanted to show grieving Spike and she serves as something of a catalyst.

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**Sunnydale, June 2001**

"Knock-knock!"

"Not going to answer."

"You're supposed to say 'who's there?' silly."

Spike ignored the Buffybot and continued to trudge through the cemetery. The Bot hurried to keep pace with his long strides and pouted.

"You're no fun. You used to be fun."

"Yeah? Well I used to be a lot of things."

And then, from the grave behind them, a formidable looking vampire burst onto the scene. At the sound of his roar, the Bot spun around and withdrew her stake.

"Hey there big boy. Want some steak?"

Spike's eyebrows shot up. If that was Red's idea of a good pun, they were in more trouble than they thought.

The vampire was not thrown off in the least, and made a beeline towards them. The Bot made to stab him, but he grabbed her arm and spun her into the air. She landed back first on a headstone and didn't get up. Spike's stomach clenched for a moment.

"Just a robot." He muttered under his breath. "Not real."

Unfortunately for him, her foe didn't know that. Before Spike could stop him, he'd picked up Buffybot's dazed form, and sunk his fangs into her neck. But instead of the blood he was expecting, he got an electrical shock.

"Aughh!" he tossed her away, and she lay on her back blinking at the stars. He turned towards Spike. "What the _hell_, man? What was that?" He continued to stumble around in pain. Spike seized the opportunity, and thrust a stake into his heart.

Through the settling dust, Spike could see the Bot propped up on one elbow, her other hand pressed to her neck. She was still looking a little out of it; so he crouched down to examine the damage.

"Move your hand." He addressed the headstone behind her. As long as he didn't have to look at her face he'd keep it together.

"Just a puncture wound. Shouldn't be too hard for Willow to patch you up." He stood up and extended a hand. "Let's go."

More to fill the silence than out of any real desire for conversation, he began to speak again. "They should never have sent us out alone anyway. Just because Dawn's round at her friend's and they have to have a meeting. They can't be talking about anything vital. And it's not like demons are going to get suspicious because they don't see you out _one _night. Told her you were gonna get hurt."

"I feel okay."

"Oh yeah? Tell that to the holes in your- why'd you stop?"

She was standing still, an odd expression on her face. He doubled back, looking around wildly for whatever had stopped her.

"Do you see another vamp?"

She grinned. Why was she grinning? And where was she looking?

Then, with no warning, she reached out and began to run her hand over his chest. He froze.

"Slaying just gets me so worked up." She breathed in his ear. "I'm all… tight and uncomfortable. We should work off some of this tension. Dontcha think?"

He didn't move, he couldn't. Too shocked to think, too shocked to even breathe. Her hand moved lower. And lower. And-

He sprung backwards, away from her. Her lower lip jutted out and, for a second, all he could see was a tiny groom smeared in red paint.

"What's the matter? Don't you want to take me, right here, where _anyone_ could see?"

He backed away, shaking his head. "No. No, no, no, no, no. Willow said she got rid of all that stuff."

The Bot brightened. "Willow is my friend!"

"Yeah. She is. And we need to get back to her, so she can fix you."

"But I don't want Willow. I want you. I just can't help myself."

Spike swallowed against the bile rising in his throat. He had to shut her up, and not just for the sake of his own sanity. A slayer who was too friendly with him would be a dead give away. He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the entrance of the cemetery, trying to calculate how long it would take them to reach Revello. If they ran into anything on the way he would just have to make sure she slayed without talking.

"Where are we going?"

"I've told you. We're going home to patch you up."

"And I told _you_ I don't want to go home. I feel fine. I want to have sex. With you. Right now."

"Keep it down!"

"I'll do that thing with my tongue you like so much." She bargained.

"Right. That's it." He pulled her toward the nearest crypt, kicked the door open and shoved her in.

She turned to face him, a wide smile splitting her face.

"You have _got _to stop saying things about you and I having sex."

"But it's been so long. Don't you miss me?"

Pain bloomed in his chest, and he looked her in the eye for the first time in weeks.

Buffy. It was Buffy and she was standing there asking if he missed her. Didn't she know? Couldn't she that he'd never missed anything as much as he missed her? Never loved something as much as he'd loved her? Still loved her. He was still drowning in her, still covered in her. He hadn't had a dream yet without her in it. Of course he missed her.

But no. Buffy wasn't here, and wouldn't be again. He couldn't save her, except in dreams. The thing that was staring at him was nothing but a travesty. A personal hell fashioned by his own desperate desires. He snapped.

"No! I don't!" The Bot reared back at the sudden fury in his voice.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you! I want her! Can't you see that? And you may look like her, and recognize her friends, and have her memories, but you're _not_ her! You'll never _be_ her. No matter what Willow programs into you, you can Never. Be. Her!"

As quickly as it came, his rage seeped out. He took a shuddered breath and continued.

"You don't move like her, you don't talk like her, you don't try like her. And you sure as hell don't fight like her! How we're tricking anyone like this is _beyond_ me. I just can't fathom that anyone can look at you and believe that it's her.

"You're nothing. Plastic and metal and computers. You'll never have her passion, her fire. You'll never have her soul."

He laughed, low and guttural. " And what I can't figure out is how I ever thought you compared. How was I ever able to touch you, smell you, fucking _taste_ you, and think that it was good enough? How could I feel you moving against me and pretend it was her?"

The Bot just looked confused. "I thought you liked me."

"Of course I don't like you. You're cold. You've never been anything but cold and fake. But her? She was warm, pulsing. Alive. The bloody sun, slipping through my fingers. And I thought, I mean that last night, when she invited me in. There was something…

"But she's gone. Gone somewhere I'm never gonna be. And maybe you can fool all the people, and all the beasties in this damn town. But you're not fooling me. And it'll be better for everyone if you'd stop trying."

She crossed the narrow space, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I just want to make you happy."

He swiped at the tears he couldn't remember shedding. "But you can't. I loved a person. You're just a machine with her face."

…..

The front door of the Summer's home swung open to reveal Tara. Her eyes darted between the bite on the Buffybot's neck and Spike's red eyes.

"Vampire got a jump on her. He's dust, but she hit her back. Think it knocked something loose."

Before she could ask what he meant, the Bot opened her mouth to forlornly announce, "I wanted to have sex in the graveyard. But instead Spike yelled at me. And then he cried."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Tara shot him a look of sympathy. "We'll fix it. Do you want to come in for a minute? I'll heat you up some blood?"

"Nah. Thanks, but I think I'll patrol a bit more. We didn't get much done before…"

She offered a sweet smile. "Okay. If you're sure."

He simply nodded and turned back to the unforgiving night.

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Review? Please?


	18. Chapter 18

AN: We're back to new stuff! Yay! Takes place during After Life, the morning after Buffy's resurrection.

AN2: Thank you so much to Beckydaspaz, Cat, applemysteries, Kyuubi-Titan, and Indigo-Night-Wisp, for taking the time to leave some very lovely reviews for chapters they'd already read! They made my day you guys!

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**Sunnydale, September 2001**

If there was one thing Dawn had come to count on in the past four and a half months, it was that Anya would tell her the truth. It wasn't that the others wouldn't, but there were times that she knew they were lying to spare her feelings. Or their own. But Anya usually saw no merit in lying. It wouldn't make Buffy any less dead, and Dawn usually saw through the lie anyway. Of course, she'd never though to ask if they were planning a resurrection.

So now that Dawn had questions, she knew exactly where she was going for answers.

"Anya?"

She was standing in front of the refrigerator, but at the sound of Dawn's voice she jumped and turned around.

"Dawn! I was just getting some orange juice. Willow said it was okay."

Dawn resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and pulled two glasses out of the dishwasher. "It's fine. Pour me some too, while you have it out."

Anya nodded absent-mindedly. "We saved you some pancakes and bacon. They're on that plate over there if you want any."

"Maybe later." She picked up the juice Anya slid across the island. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Is, um, is Buffy-"

"She's still asleep. Probably will be for a while. Jetlag from hell and all that."

Anya shifted uncomfortably. "Right. So I should go…" She gestured to window and the meeting that was clearly taking place in the backyard.

"Wait! Please."

Anya froze, her hand on the doorknob.

"I wanted to ask you something."

She turned around, but she wouldn't meet Dawn's eyes. "I told you. Food's on the plate next to the stove. Okay, bye!"

"Anya!"

She bit her lip and pulled her gaze from the ground. "What?"

"Why didn't you guys tell me? About bringing her back?"

Anya still refused to look at her. "Shouldn't you ask Willow about this? It was all her idea."

Dawn addressed her orange juice. "I know what the others will tell me. I just- I need to know that it's true. And you don't lie very often."

She seemed to soften, just a bit. "Well that's true." She walked back to the island and leaned on her elbows, across from Dawn.

"We didn't tell you, because we didn't want to get your hopes up. How would you have felt if we told you we might be able to get your sister back, and then said 'oops. We were wrong. She'll have to stay dead?'"

Dawn sighed, then begrudgingly admitted, "That would have sucked."

Anya nodded. "See? This way you just got to be happy. Not all nervous like the rest of us. Much better."

The ghost a grin flitted across Dawn's face, before she fell serious once more. "Is that why you didn't tell Giles? I mean, if he'd known he wouldn't have left, so you must not have told him."

"No. We didn't tell him. I assume someone has by now, though."

Dawn nodded her affirmation. "Willow called him last night. So is that why? Because you didn't want to get his hopes up?"

"Partially. Also, Willow said he might not understand. He might try to stop us."

Dawn frowned. That was… weird. "Did she say why?"

"No. But we were kind of following her lead. She was the one who really knew what to do with the magic and stuff. She's been very bossy."

"Right. I saw the sign."

"She seemed to take it heart."

Dawn chuckled. "Uh-huh."

Anya stood up and carried her now empty glass of juice to the sink. "Is that it? Because I should be getting back to the meeting."

Dawn took a deep breath. She shouldn't ask. She really, really shouldn't. "Why didn't you tell Spike?"

Anya stiffened at the sink. Dawn kept speaking. "He wouldn't have tried to stop you. He probably would have helped. You know he helped me try to resurrect mom. And he loved Buffy just as much as we do.

"I heard him last night. Talking to Xander. Saying that-" she shuddered slightly. "That Willow thought she might come back wrong. Was that really why you didn't tell him?"

Anya had turned and was leaning against the sink with her arms crossed. "That was a factor, yes. We though that if anything went wrong with the spell, we could just, you know, take care of it before anyone else saw her. But Willow said that if Spike were there, he wouldn't let us do that. And I, for one, think she was right. He would have stopped us; even she was some horrible sort of zombie thing. Love does funny things to people. And vampires."

Dawn squeezed her eyes shut. The idea of Buffy coming back wrong and having to be "dealt with" was too terrible to consider.

"What was the other part?"

Anya shrugged. "We only needed four people for the spell. It seemed rather silly to involve any more than that. And you know as well as I do, Xander and Willow don't trust Spike. I don't care one way or another about him, but they really don't like him. I think probably because of all those times he almost killed them."

Dawn's brow wrinkled. "You didn't tell him because you guys don't _trust _him?"

"Is that not a good enough reason?"

Dawn looked back down at her glass. "I don't know. I thought maybe you just didn't want to disappoint him. Like with me."

Anya glanced over her shoulder at the window, then quickly stepped back across the kitchen and leaned conspiratorially towards Dawn.

"Don't tell the other's I told you this."

Dawn perked up at the idea of a secret.

"We never really said it out loud, and I know that Xander would be really embarrassed if anyone found out, but I think we were all thinking it."

"Thinking what?"

"That if we told him we could bring her back, and then we didn't, it would destroy him. You saw him this summer. He was a mess."

Dawn thought back to May, and all the times Spike showed up at her house with bloodshot eyes. To June, when she'd gone to his crypt in the middle of the afternoon and found him drunk and crying. To last night, and the look in his eyes when he saw Buffy on the stairs.

"Yeah. It would have."

Anya shrugged again. "It seemed unnecessarily cruel."

Dawn looked up into Anya's face, eyes shining. "I'm glad you did it. Brought her back. Spike's glad too. And Giles."

Anya looked uncomfortable. "Yes. We're all very pleased. Is it alright if I go back out now?"

"Yeah. Thanks for talking to me."

Anya reached across the island and patted Dawn on the head. "You're welcome. When Buffy wakes up, tell her we're outside."


	19. Chapter 19

AN: I know it's been a long while since I posted and I'm sorry. Honestly, I just needed a bit of a break before jumping into the angst that is season 6. Also, RL is shaping up to be somewhat hectic for then next month or so, so I apologize in advance for any gaps between chapters.

Chapter notes: Takes place in Flooded, a few hours before the final scene. Remember how the last few chapters have been building a slightly softer version of the Spike/Scoobies relationship? Yeah. This chapter pretty much blows that all to hell. Enjoy, and please review.

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The front door to the Summer's house swung open. Willow glanced up from the lamp she was attempting to repair and was met with the sight of Xander, tool belt in hand, breezing into the foyer.

"In here!"

He turned and ambled into the living room. "Hey Will. Anya's throwing some last minute budget stuff together and taking a shower but I thought I'd come on ahead. Offer my services." He shook the belt.

Willow grimaced. "We could definitely use the help of a professional. You could start with that table over there."

Xander followed her gaze and let out a low whistle. "Boy am I glad I missed _that_ fight." He settled beside the table and turned his attention back toward Willow. "So where is everyone? They pull a destruct-and-ditch, and stick you with the clean up?"

"Nah. Giles took a pretty good hit to the head last night, so he's sleeping a little late. Tara's making Dawn breakfast."

"And Buffy?"

"Demon clean up. Turns out the M'Fashnik wasn't one of those self-disposing bad guys. She and Spike dragged it out to the woods to bury it. She should be back soon though. The sun's been up for a little while."

Xander pulled a face. "What was Spike doing here anyway?"

Willow shrugged. "I don't know. I guess he was already here when the demon showed up. Dawn said they fought it off together."

"Geez. She's barely been back a week, and he's up to his old tricks again. I hope you have that deinvitation spell ready. You're probably going to have to use it soon."

"I don't know. He's seems more stable lately. I mean, sure he's hanging around a lot, but I don't think he's going to chain her up again or anything."

Xander frowned. "I know that."

Willow just raised her eyebrows.

" I do! He loves her. I get it. And I don't think that he's going to hurt her intentionally or anything. But I also know that she's never going to feel the same way about him, no matter how hard he tries. Look at it this way. We _just _got Buffy out of hell. Do we really want to stand by and let Spike put her through even more?"

A sudden comprehension sparked on Willow's face. "What should we do?"

Xander shook his head. "Not sure. Try to keep an eye on him I guess? You know as well as I do that Spike can get pretty twisted when it comes to love."

The phantom of a broken bottle pushed against Willow's face and she shuddered. "A definite eye. Possibly of the non-blinking variety."

"At least until he's accepted that she doesn't share his unnatural affections and moves the hell on."

Willow stared at her hands, a plan taking shape in her mind. She looked up slowly. "What if I did a spell? Just something small, to speed up the moving process?"

Xander regarded her suspiciously. "Like a de-lusting spell?"

"Sort of. It would have to be a bit more complicated though, since he's actually in love with her."

Xander bit his lip. "Willow, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Anger flared up deep inside and she clutched the lamp so tightly it nearly broke into even more pieces.

"God! What is with you people lately? Why does everyone seem to think the magic is bad all of a sudden? There's nothing wrong with having a little power!"

"What? No! That's not what I'm saying at all! Willow, magic brought Buffy back. It saved her and that pretty much brings magic decidedly under the category of 'good' in my book. All I meant was, around here, spells that deal with love tend to have some pretty hefty and unforeseen consequences. I don't know about you, but I don't think I can handle much more this week."

As quickly as it had come the anger faded. Willow sagged against the couch. "You're right. Our plates _are_ kind of full. But you were right about Spike too. What if he makes it harder on her? Would we even be able to tell? She's so distant. I wish she would talk to us more."

Xander sighed. "Me too. But she's got to have a lot to work through. And it's not like any of us have actually been to hell before."

"Yeah. To bad Angel's not closer. He could probably help with the hell experience- what's the matter?

Xander's mouth had fallen open, and he'd dropped the table leg he'd been examining.

"Did anyone ever tell Angel that Buffy's alive?"

Willow bolted upright, her hand jumping to her mouth.

"I'll take that as a no."

"I-I forgot." Her voice was low, her eyes wide. "Hardly anyone knew she was dead, and everyone in Sunnydale found out she was alive again on the same night."

She stood up and took a deep breath. "I'll call. Right now. I know she's not home yet, but he can call back later or something."

And with that, Willow positively flew from the room.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Tried to post late last night, but the server's been down! Takes place at the end of All the Way. A brief, mostly non-angsty moment of friendship.

Note about season 6: There aren't going to be many chapters for this season. One of the core issues in season 6 is that everyone is so wrapped up in their own problems; they don't have time to pay attention to each other's problems. So it doesn't make much sense to have them spend time discussing Buffy and Spike. Had the Scoobies actually talked about it, they probably would have noticed what was going on long before they did.

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**Sunnydale, October 2001**

Buffy rounded the corner, headed for the sanctuary of her bedroom, and nearly collided with Willow.

"Oh!" she stumbled backwards, hand over her heart. "Give me a heart attack why don't you!"

Willow smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I was waiting for Tara to get out of the bathroom, and I thought maybe I'd come see if you needed any help with Dawn."

"Right, uh, Giles is talking to her. I think she'll probably be more willing to listen to him. Since he's, you know, an actual adult. Plus, I might actually strangle her if I do it. I don't understand how she could have been so careless! What if Janice's mom hadn't called? She'd be vamp food right now!"

"Yeah." Willow looked solemn. "Thank God you guys got there in time."

Buffy shivered. "We almost didn't. By the time Spike and I got there, Giles and Dawn were surrounded. No way they could have taken that many on at once."

Willow giggled.

"Hey! What's with the inappropriate chuckles? My sister almost _died _tonight!"

Willow bit her lip, but she couldn't quite get rid of her grin. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just, you and Spike rescued your sister from a bunch a vampires, and that doesn't seem weird at all, but if you think back, this time four years ago…"

A memory slid into place, and Buffy had to smile. "We were trying to kill each other."

"Yep. And then, exactly four years later, he's helping you save Dawn. Of all the ways you pictured the future, I bet you never pictured Spike being all helpful."

Buffy's smile fell. Her youthful dreams of the future weren't something she wanted to dwell on tonight. So she took the easy way out. Pasted her smile into place, and teased Willow right back.

"Right. Because you definitely pictured yourself in a serious relationship with another girl, and Xander figured he'd be engaged to someone who's over a thousand years old."

Willow rolled her eyes. "Point taken. Guess you can never really tell how things are going to turn out."

Tara suddenly appeared in the hall. "Bathrooms free."

"Okay." Willow threw her a hopeful glance. "I'll be right in."

Tara didn't reply, just disappeared into their bedroom.

Buffy turned to Willow. "Is everything alright with you guys? She seems kind of upset."

Willow shrugged. "Don't worry about it, it's just a silly little thing. She'll be fine tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodnight Will."

"Night!"

Buffy slipped into her room, still thinking about that Halloween.

_You know what? It's good to be me._

Guess you never can tell.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: It's been forever, I know! I won't bother with excuses, but I can promise you that the next chapter is finished and will be posted tomorrow. Also this chapter contains some bonus Buffy/Spike sexy times! That will, however push the rating slightly. It's nothing too graphic, but I'd give it a hard T just to be safe.

Takes place between Doublemeat Palace and Dead things. Remember what I said last chapter about there not being many chapters for season 6? Yeah. That means some pretty serious time jumps.

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**Sunnydale, 2002**

Andrew sighed and spun around in his wheelie-chair. "I'm bored."

Jonathon didn't even look up from his ancient text. "You're always bored."

"I know! I thought being super villains would mean getting to fun things all the time. Instead it's mostly sitting around doing nothing."

"So go to bed." Jonathon jerked his head toward the cluster of cots in the corner. Warren was already snoring soundly from the one closest to the stairs. "You aren't the one on night watch."

"I'm not sleepy." Andrew was approaching whining at an alarming speed. Jonathon grumbled and set aside his book. "Aren't you supposed to be finding, like, glands or something?"

Andrew sighed again. "Yeah, but I can't summon a Homja-Maleev in the middle of the night. Do you think Buffy's still out doing stuff? It's fun to watch her sometimes. Like Ed TV."

Jonathon considered reminding Andrew that life wasn't a movie, but one can only repeat things so many times before they become monotonous. Besides, that idea wasn't half bad.

"We could check. If she's out patrolling, maybe we could pick up on some of her weaknesses. It never hurts to be prepared."

Andrew turned towards the computer in front of him, and started to fiddle with the video feeds. "Hmm. Not at the Doublemeat, not at home, not the Bronze…" He typed in another code. The feed from Restfield kicked in. Buffy appeared, with Spike trailing close behind. They appeared to be arguing. "Presto!"

"Turn up the volume."

Andrew craned around to cast a look of concern to Warren's sleeping frame.

"Don't be a wuss. Just turn it up a little. He won't wake up."

Andrew bit his lip, but he raised the volume. It was low, but a voice that undeniably belonged to Spike filled the lair.

"Stop fighting it Slayer! We both know how this little routine ends."

"No! I have to get home, Willow's in a night class and Dawn's all alone."

"Bit can take care herself for an hour. Or Several." Was it Jonathon's imagination, or was Spike's voice getting oddly…seductive?

"Come on sweetheart. You know you want it."

Andrew looked over his shoulder. "What is he-?"

Just then Buffy pulled her arm back in the unmistakable pose of someone about to let loose with the punches.

"Shut up Andrew! She's about to hit him!"

Buffy swung her fist forward but Spike caught it and pulled her forward. Their lips met with a fury.

Jonathon was so shocked he actually took a step backwards. "Whoa."

"Plot twist." Andrew breathed.

On the computer, their arch nemesis was struggling to get Spike out of his jeans, and he in turn was busy relieving her of her own.

Andrew was staring at the computer with rapt attention. "Holy crap."

"Oh my god." Jonathon muttered weakly as Spike pulled Buffy into his arms, and she locked her naked legs around his waist. "Aren't they going to go inside first?"

One of them, he couldn't be sure of whom, moaned and Buffy began to bounce up and down.

"Apparently not."

Suddenly Jonathon was seized by memories from another, nearly forgotten, life. Spikes fingers on Buffy's cheek, ghosting along her arm, stroking her hair, almost like he was magnetized to her. The stuttering intake of Buffy's breath, the look on her face, not quite fear and definitely not revulsion. The feeling that if he was stupid enough to stand between them, he'd go up like a fledge in the sun.

A gasp brought him slamming back to the present, and his skin crawled with the feeling of intruding on something intensely private.

Andrew was still riveted to monitor, his jaw hanging open. Spike was stumbling forward, Buffy still writhing in his arms.

"Please don't tell me you're getting turned on by this. It's creepy. We're her nemeses; we're supposed to destroy her, not perv on her. It's like, in our job description."

Andrew didn't pull his eyes away. On the screen, Spike slammed Buffy against the door of his crypt.

In the silence of the lair, Jonathan could just barely hear her growling out, "harder!"

"Um, I think she might kind of being doing our job for us…" Andrew squinted and leaned forward slightly.

"Dude just-" Jonathan bent around Andrew and made a swipe at the power button on the monitor "-turn it off."

Andrew elbowed him. "No! You're the one who said we could learn her weaknesses like this!"

"I meant her fighting weaknesses! I'm pretty sure she doesn't fight like this!"

Andrew turned around with a slightly awed expression. "What if she _did_?"

Jonathon's mind suddenly drifted away buoyed up by fantasies he'd been entertaining since high school. He sank down in the chair next to Andrew, watching as the miniaturized Spike suddenly pulled away and Buffy mewled. He grabbed her thighs and hoisted her farther up the wall, whispering too low to be heard and burying his face between her thighs. Buffy let out a strangled noise and curled her fingers into his hair.

They stared, transfixed, at the computer until she suddenly let loose a string of profanity that would make even Warren blush, and Spike started growling in a decidedly inhuman, if muffled, way.

Andrew pushed back from the desk. "On second thought," he began in a voice even higher pitched than normal, "even our enemies deserve some privacy."

Jonathan nodded and quickly switched off the monitor.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Last chapter for season 6! Set during Seeing Red.

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**Sunnydale, 2002**

Halfway to campus, Willow broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between herself and Tara.

"I still can't believe you knew about Buffy and Spike, and didn't tell me."

Tara laughed. "Sweetie! When exactly would I have told you? 'Wow these dresses are dreadful. And oh, by the way, Buffy's secretly been getting groiny with Spike.'"

Willow opened her mouth to retort, closed it, and broke into a sheepish grin. "Okay, fair." Her voice sobered. "I just- I really wish she'd told me. That's all."

Tara reached across the console to hold her hand. "I know. But like I said, she didn't even mean to tell me. At least I don't think she did. And I really haven't known for very long. Just since right before her birthday."

"Her birthday? Tara! That's kind of a long time!"

Tara grimaced sympathetically. "I thought about telling you. I really did, but she deserves her privacy as much as anyone else, and she was just so…shattered. I didn't want to betray her confidence. I don't think she could have handled it. Then she told me that she'd ended it for good, so I didn't think it really mattered that much. Are we really going to get into an argument about _Buffy and Spike?_ Of all the things for us to fight about…"

Willow squeezed her hand and smiled. "No. Of course not. It's just… she used to tell me about all the romance type stuff going on in her life, and now she doesn't and I'm, y'know, curious. She's my best friend, I want her to be able to talk to me."

Tara nodded and offered a sweet smile. "I get how that would be hard for you. But you were kind of busy dealing with your own stuff. And you have to understand that it was hard for her too. I don't think she wanted to admit to herself what she was doing."

Willow frowned. "Yeah. I don't think I'd want anyone to know either if I'd been sneaking around with Spike."

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't get the impression that they were in it for the romance. For her at least, I think it was a chance to get out of her head for a little while."

Willow was quiet for a moment. "How long- I mean, do you know when it started?"

Tara took a deep breath. "I'm not really sure. She never told me and I never asked. But I think, I think it was probably that night that, um, I stayed over with Dawn."

"Oh." Willow turned into the parking lot and began looking for space in silence. That night was a touchy subject for everyone.

"Yeah."

"Long time."

"I guess."

"Does she love him?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

Willow remained quiet as she parked the car, and they got out.

Tara slipped her hand into Willows as the headed towards the building, and Willow shot her an impish grin.

"So," she started, in a voice that clearly said they were changing the subject. "Think we can get what we came for without losing our clothes?"


	23. Chapter 23

AN: I fell behind on answering reviews, but I want everyone who's reviewed this, or any other of my stories, that I really, really appreciate it! And I promise to get better about answering!

**Sunnydale, June 2002**

Buffy looked around the room, at the combination of her and Willow's boxes, and sighed. This room swap was a good idea–Willow shouldn't have to live everyday, inches from the stain of Tara's blood, and Buffy thought that maybe a new room could help her too- but the actual swapping was proving to be somewhat difficult. Who knew it was possible to acquire this much _stuff. _She and Xander had been working steadily for two weeks to move everything over and there were _still_ things spread across her floor that she had no idea what to do with.

Toys she should've given up when they moved into the house, shoes that had mysteriously lost their mates, clothes too ripped or bloodied to save, and a fair amount of things that belonged to Dawn and would have to be dealt with when she got back from Janice's (and Buffy had called this time, because she's responsible, and she can do this guardian thing, she _can_).

Of course there's also the item clutched in her left hand that she dug out of the very farthest corner of her closet and has been staring at for at least three minutes. She looks at the stripy walls, and the towering boxes, and the clothes, shoes, toys all over the floor, and she has the sudden, manic desire to laugh. Because of all the things that might blend in, in this room, a black leather duster doesn't even make the list. Especially _his _black leather duster. She'll have to put somewhere. The basement?

Just then, Xander wanders through her door, weighed down with what appears to be the final two boxes of Willows clothes. When he sees the coat in her hand he stops dead. Fear chases concern chases anger across his face before it settles on forced neutrality.

"Buffy? What's that?"

"Spikes coat." She replies, voice tempered, never for a second forgetting that the last person to touch it, before her, was Xander.

He continues in the even, polite tone that they use to discuss Spike on the rare occasions he comes up (they use it to discuss a lot of things. Spike, Anya, Tara, Giles, Willow. Mostly Willow. Buffy hates it.). "Where'd it come from?"

She frowns. The closet door is open and it's empty for the first time in more than five years. Where does he think it came from?

"The closet."

"The clos- Buffy, why do you still have it? And why were you keeping it in your _closet_?"

"Because I had to put it somewhere! I had to get it out of sight, before Dawn saw it and started asking questions that I really didn't want to have to answer! And we all had more important things on our minds than a stupid coat!"

"It's not about the coat! It's about who it belongs to! I just don't understand why you didn't throw it out! Or burn it, or-or chop it to pieces with an axe. Why did you just leave it in your closet?" Xander sagged against the doorframe. "Buffy you don't…still have some feelings for him? Do you?"

Her head snapped up, startled. " No! Of course not! How can you even ask me that after-?"

"But you still have the coat. Why?"

"Because," she replied, "He's going to want it back. And 'you can't have your coat back because I burned it,' isn't really a conversation I want to have with Spike. Or anyone. Ever."

From the way Xander was staring, this explanation was not as obvious to him as it was to Buffy.

"Do you want him to come back?"

Of course that's the question. The one she has no satisfactory answer for. The one that flits across her mind, when she lets herself think of Spike at all. Of course that's the question Xander wants answered.

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah. It matters. You're the one who thinks he's coming back."

"It has nothing to do with what I want, he just _is_! It's what he does. He leaves, he comes back. Like a fangy boomerang. Besides, Clem said he'd be gone awhile. Not forever. Ergo, coming back at some point."

It had made sense when she'd thought it out, that horrible night a couple weeks back, when thinking about Spike had actually been the comforting alternative to thinking about all the other horrible things that had happened (Tara dead on the floor, and Anya with powers, and Warren minus the skin and Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow).

Xander exhaled slowly. "So let's say he does come back. What are you going to do? Hand him his coat and send him on his merry way?"

"I don't know! Okay? I haven't really thought about it. Maybe we'll fight. Maybe he'll take the coat and actually stay out of Sunnydale. Maybe he'll go back to his crypt, and leave us all alone."

"Maybe," Xander mumbled to the floor, "You'll put a stake in his heart."

Buffy flinched (_I'll make you feel it. You can't do it. You can't kill me. I know you felt it, when I was_), and before she could stop them, the words flew out of her mouth. "I might have kind of a problem killing someone who's been _inside of me_."

They both froze. In the ringing silence that followed, the front door swung open and Dawn cried out, "Buffy? Are you here? Janice's little brother started throwing up, so they sent me home."

Buffy shook herself. "We're upstairs!"

They listened as Dawn made her way to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and promptly closed it again. "What's for dinner?"

Xander offered Buffy a slight smile and called out, "Order a pizza! I'll go pick it up!"

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. They were back on familiar ground. But still. "Sorry. I'm sorry. That wasn't. I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's fine."

Buffy held out the coat. "Put this in the basement for me on your way out?"

He took it. "No guarantees it makes there in one piece."

"Xander…"

"I know, I know. I won't do anything to it."

….

After he left she crept down to the basement. The coat was no worse off than it was when she last held it, and something tightened in her chest (she was only half sure he'd listen to her, and she was only half sure she wanted him to, and _fuck_ but they're really grown-ups now), and she needs to call a Scooby meeting, like, yesterday, even if the only ones present would be Buffy and Xander and Dawn (and the ghosts. Mustn't forget all the ghosts who smile and soothe and snark and take up way more space than they should).

When she gets back to the kitchen, Xander's returned, pizza in hand, and he's trying to convince Dawn that adding cold sardines to her slices will, in fact, make the pizza worse.

Buffy smiles at the sight and feels the knot in her chest loosen. She takes a deep breath.

"Guys? I think maybe we should talk."


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Here, have a double post while my Internet connection holds! Possible chapter titles include, It's Spike! And He's Not Wearing the Coat! And, The Not Epic Conclusion to the Tale of how Spikes Coat Gets From Buffy's Stairs to the School Basement. Takes place after From Beneath You.

**Sunnydale, 2002**

Footfalls. Too heavy for a rat, too light for a janitor. Do ghosts have footsteps? Tall, brown hair, never been dead, clutching a memory in her hand. Not a ghost.

"Buffy wanted me to give you this."

"I don't want it."

"I'm not taking it back home with me."

"Why'd you bring it? Why not her? Doesn't want to see me I guess."

"I don't know. Maybe. She found it last night and said you should have it back. She's not working today so she made me to bring it to you."

She drops it on the floor beside him and turns away. He stares at it, and for a few blessed moments his mind is clear and he's staring at her back. Dawns back. Dawn, his Little Bit, who used to be his friend, and said she felt safe with him, and he might never get another chance like this, and he has to know.

"Do you really want to set me on fire?"

She turns on the spot, her eyes expelling arctic winds.

"You really tried to rape my sister, so yeah."

"I didn't- I mean- I wasn't. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, she told us that. And that you have a soul now so it's all better".

"She said that?" She couldn't have said that. Because souls? They don't fix a damned thing. They just bring pain and ghosts, and she's had one her whole life so she should _know _that.

"Not in so many words, but that was the gist. I don't understand it, but Buffy seems to be ready to forgive you. She's all confused, but I don't think she's mad anymore."

Liar.

"But you still are?"

He meets her gaze, fully, for the first time since she appeared. It's a bad idea. She's radiating more righteous fury than he can remember seeing, _ever_, and that's saying something.

"Look Spike. She may be prepared to accept that you have a soul now so you're suddenly fixed and things you've done in the past don't matter. That's because she pretty much see's the world in black and white. I don't. I liked you and I trusted you way before you had a soul, and I can hate you now with one. "

"You hate me?"

"Someone has to." Someone does. Silly little girl, doesn't she know that?

"Buffy hates me."

"No she doesn't."

Hope he doesn't deserve to feel blazes to life in his heart (soul? He's not sure anymore), and he's certain this isn't what Dawn meant when she said she'd light him on fire.


	25. Chapter 25

AN: this turned more into a Xander centric piece with Xander/Anya undertones, but I think there's still a fair amount of Spuffy discussed. As for Molly, she seems to change her tune pretty quickly but she is, after all, fourteen. And if I remember correctly, Fourteen-year-old girls are suckers for romance ;).

Set during Bring on the Night.

**Sunnydale, 2002**

Xander wandered through Buffy's house doing a quick mental checklist of his people and their whereabouts.

Anya? Crashed on the couch, despite her loudly declared intentions to return to her apartment and leave the fate of the world with people who actually cared. Buffy? Out with Giles searching for the ultimate evils Lair of Doom, which may or may not be under a Christmas tree lot. Willow? Upstairs, possibly asleep but probably worrying about The First turning her black-eyed and terrifying again. Dawn? Upstairs asleep. Spike? Either out on a triggered killing spree, or squirreled away in the Lair of Doomy Badness. Andrew? Tied to his chair in the living room where he could harm no one and annoy everyone. Potential Slayers? He was pretty sure one was with Willow and the other two were making use of Buffy's room while she was gone.

As for Xander himself, he was going to make sure all the pizza boxes had been thrown out, grab a quick drink of water, and then try to catch an hour or two of sleep on the living room floor before he had to get up for work.

He shuffled into the kitchen and had just grabbed a glass from the cabinet when he caught sight of a person sitting at the island, and let out a considerably unmanly squeal.

The other person giggled and Xander reached for the light switch.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." The light revealed her to be one of the Potentials. Molly maybe?

"It's fine. Why are you sitting all alone in the dark anyway?"

Molly indicated the glass of milk in front of her. "Couldn't sleep. It's the bleeding jet lag! I'm wide awake now, but in the middle of the afternoon I'll be totally knackered!"

Xander chuckled as he turned back toward the sink.

"What?"

"Ah, it's nothing. You just talk kind of like Spike. It's funny."

Molly looked at him quizzically. "Who is Spike? I know he's missing and Buffy wants to find him, but who is he exactly?"

Who's Spike? The question stopped Xander dead. Because Spike? Spike may be a lot of things but unknown wasn't one of them. He knew, of course, that there were plenty of people who didn't know a damn thing about Spike. Xander envied them. But the idea of someone who knew about vampires and demons and slayers and watchers, the idea of someone who was sitting in this kitchen in this house, the idea of someone who knew about Buffy, but didn't know about Spike threw him for a complete loop.

"Um. Xander?"

Molly was starting to look at him in concern so Xander shook himself and tried to think of the best way to answer her question.

"Spike is…an ally, I guess. He helps us out when the big scary comes to town. So Buffy wants to find him so he can, y'know, help fight."

There. That was pretty much the truth, without getting into the more complicated emotional possibilities.

"So he's good?"

Xander shrugged. "You mean as a fighter? Or morally?"

Molly's face clouded with confusion. "As a fighter. I sort of assumed anyone the Slayer cared that much about saving was morally sound."

Instead of responding, Xander took a long drink of water. He was so not the person to be having this conversation. Buffy would be better, but Buffy wasn't around, and she hadn't exactly been forthcoming earlier anyway. He understood though, why she didn't mention Spike was a vampire. These girls were young and idealistic and it was probably a good idea to ease them into the whole grey area component of Slaying. But Molly was staring at him all wide-eyed and he remembered that she was in this fight too. Evil was coming and these girls didn't have the luxury of years to learn all the hard lessons that came with the gig. Lessons he was still learning.

"Here's the thing Molly. Spike, he's- well he's a vampire."

Molly's eyebrows got lost somewhere in the vicinity of her hairline. "Like the kind we're destined to rid the world of?"

Xander sighed. "Yeah. That kind. But he's different. Sort of. He changed. He's good now."

"You're mad. Demons can't change."

Xander scrubbed a hand across his face.

_Things change._

_Not us. Not demons_

This might actually qualify as funny at a more reasonable hour of day.

"I know it sounds pretty unbelievable, but sometimes it happens. Even demons, or some demons, have hearts and brains and-"

_This is my wish. Undo what I did._

"-Sometimes things happen to make them want to change. And the strong ones can."

"So Spike's one of the strong ones?" Her voice tore Xander away from his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Spike? The supposedly good vampire? We _were_ talking about Spike?"

Xander blinked. "Yeah. We were. Plus, he got himself all magicked up with a soul."

"And souls make vampires good?"

"In theory."

For a moment Molly looked like she was going to let the subject drop and let Xander actually get some sleep, but then she cocked her head to the side and frowned.

"What made him want to change?"

Damn. Nosy teenagers were officially on the list of bad things evil hath wrought. Xander considered his options. Try and explain government programs and chips or try to explain Spike's personal attachments to Buffy.

"See, there was this military operation. And they put a chip in Spike's head that makes it so he can't hurt people. But he can still hurt demons. So a few years ago we started hiring him to help us out occasionally, and I guess working with the Slayer that closely for that long…she sort of…rubbed off on him."

Xander cringed as he thought about just how much rubbing off Buffy had probably done.

Molly stared blankly at him for a second and then her face lit up. "Oh my God. He _likes_ her!"

"Well I wouldn't say likes…"

"Oh yes he does so! That's why he wanted to change! Holy crap! That's why she's so frantic isn't it? She likes him too!"

"Molly it's not like that. She- He- Shit. Don't tell okay? It's sort of…personal. And very possibly not even true. Anymore And Buffy will kill me."

"I won't breathe a word. A vampire who changes for a Slayer. It's rather romantic isn't it?"

"No! Molly, if you only take one thing away from this conversation, let it be this: when demons and humans get involved, it doesn't end well. People get hurt. They can get _very_ hurt. And not just emotionally. Understand? It's not a good idea."

Molly's eyes are twinkling. "Yeah, yeah. Only if they're good officer."

Xander's opening his mouth to clarify, no. Not if they're good, or soul-having, or even human, but Molly's already skittered out of the kitchen throwing a grin over her shoulder.

So instead he shuffled off toward the living room thinking about the dozens of better ways to bring up that particular career risk.

His eyes fell first on the hostage who had thankfully fallen asleep in his chair, then to the unappealing floor, and finally to the comfortable looking couch currently occupied by his own personal cautionary tale.

He knelt and shook her gently by the shoulder.

Anya stirred but didn't open her eyes. "My couch. Go 'way Xander."

"I know. I was wondering if you'd consider sharing?"

She cracked one eyelid and regarded him. "Unh-uh. We worked quite well together today, but this candy store is still closed."

Xander smiled at her. "Please Anya? I have to get up in, like, an hour and a half, and the floor is really hard, and I accidentally told an impressionably fourteen year old that under the right conditions it's okay to bone a vampire."

Anya sat up. "You did?"

"I may have, a little bit, yes."

She pulled up her blanket, her mouth quirking. "We can do head to foot."


	26. Chapter 26

AN: I know the updates on CADP have slowed waaaay down, but I just want you all to know that this story is still extremely important to me, and it will definitely be finished!

Chapter notes: Sisters being sisters. Set after Potential but before First Date.

**Sunnydale, 2003**

"Ok, so we've got," Dawn glanced into the nearly overflowing shopping cart, "Raisin Bran, Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs, and oatmeal." She turned to appraise the shelf in front of her. "Do you think maybe Cheerios? I mean, everybody like Cheerios right? And it's not like we can ever have too much food in the house. Buffy?"

Buffy was staring blindly at a box of Fruit Loops. At the sound of her name she turned, "Do you think it's a Slayer thing?"

Dawn frowned. "What? The horrifying rate of consumption? O f course it's a slayer thing. It's beyond human how much you guys can put away. I've been trying to tell you that for years."

Buffy smiled. "No. Not that. It's- Well, see, Amanda was talking to me. Before we knew she was a Potential. And she was talking about this guy she liked-"

"Martin?"

"Maybe. She didn't say his name."

"It was probably Martin. He's always around when I see her. They argue a lot. It's pretty funny. Wait." Dawn crossed her arms and fixed her sister with a firm glare. "Is that what you meant? About it being a slayer thing?"

Buffy shifted uncomfortably in Dawns gaze. "Yeah. I mean, at the time I thought it was kind of funny- in an ironic, I'm-not-the-one-to-talk to kind of way- but when I found out she was a potential… I couldn't help but see some…parallels."

Dawn sighed. "Seriously? We're going to have this conversation now? Here? Next to a bunch of cereal?"

"What conversation? I'm just wondering if 'attraction to ones enemies' is some sort of inborn tendency we should warn the girls about. What did you _think_ I was going to say?"

"Attraction to ones- Are you hearing yourself speak right now? I meant the conversation where you tell me you still have feelings for Spike and then try to justify yourself."

"What? I don't- over! It's over. No feelings are being had!"

Dawn scoffed. "Please. You're all with the hovering, and the 'Spike, let me bandage your wounds' and 'Spike, live in my basement' and 'Spike, come patrolling with us!' Also? You're blushing."

"Yes. Because I'm embarrassed to be related to you."

"Liar. That is not the face of over. Those are the red cheeks of someone who's still under."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Ok, miss I'm-a-teenager-I-know-everything. What exactly am I under?"

Dawn shrugged. "I don't know. Spike?"

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Dawn! I'm not _under_, _no_ _one_ is under Spike!"

Dawn gigged. "Alright, alright you're not under Spike." She paused for a moment. "Is it because you're on top?"

"Dawn!"

Buffy fought down her incredulous amusement, grabbed a super-size box of Cheerios and pitched it at Dawns mirthful face. She ducked and it landed in the cart.

Buffy stepped around the cart and started down the aisle. "I'm not going to take you shopping anymore. You'll just have to stay home. And settle arguments over the bathroom." 

Dawn did her best to look contrite through her badly controlled giggles. "No! I'll be good! I promise! Don't make me pull bathroom duty! Buffy? Buffy!"


End file.
